We all know how love feels, especially that first love. I often have conversations about whether or not we ever truly get over that first heartache. In my opinion, we do, but it takes time. And, a willingness to move on and heal from it.
For others, they think the opposite, which isn't a bad thang. It is what it is. Last weekend, I sat down with a few peeps and had a discussion about love.
There was salad, pasta, and hearts involved. You know how this goes --
Friend 1: "I don't know, I really like this gurl though."
I sit in a white plastic chair as she smokes. I don't like cigarettes, but the cool air makes up for it.
Friend 2: "Yeah, that's awesome."
Friend 1: "She's like perfect. So smart. And hot."
She stops, a sad look in her eyes. What is she not telling us?
Friend 1: "But, I don't really get butterflies when I kiss her. And, I so badly want there to be butterflies."
Ah, yeah. I remember that feeling. Love. God, it has been a while.
Me: "Dang, I'm sorry to hear that."
Friend 1: "I got them with my ex. All of the time."
Friend 2: "Yeah, the same for me. I love my boyfriend, but not like John...not that I don't love him. it's just...different I guess."
Me: "I hear you. But, if you don't mind me asking, if she doesn't give you butterflies, then why waste your time?"
Friend 1: "Maybe it will come. And, I have to move on at some point."
Friend 2: "And if they don't come, then that's okay. Sometimes it's easier not to deal with intense emotions."
I immediately want to disagree, but focus my energy on the sun kissing my back instead.
Friend 1: "I hope they come, because I don't want to think about her anymore. I don't want to want her anymore. This other girl is perfect and I want to try it out with her."
Our eyes lock and I immediately feel her pain. Sometimes it's best not to say anything. Just to listen and let that be.
Me: "Yeah, I feel ya."
For some reason, my back doesn't feel as warm. Did the sun run away?
Moving on is tough. Sometimes I still think about my first love. And, sometimes I still hurt from it. Just because you may not be in love with someone doesn't mean they aren't still on your mind. Or, that those hurts don't still hurt a little bit every now 'n then. It's part of being human.
But, let me be real with ya. If I kissed a woman and didn't feel my heart skip a beat, or something that knocked me off my feet, there's no point in going further. I once dated a lovely lady and didn't feel a thang when we kissed the first time. I thought, "well, maybe it'll get better once I get to know her more." After several kissing sessions, nothing changed. Nada. So, I stay firm in thinking that we know immediately if there's a connection or not with another human being, romantic or non romantic. You know it from the first moment you look into his or her eyes. Every time I looked into a woman's eyes and felt a connection, it was definitely there when we kissed.
I'm not sayin' that every kiss has to blow you out of the park. Or, make you almost have an orgasm. And, sometimes the first kiss isn't all that great because of nervousness or what have you. However, if something ain't clickin' after the third or second session, you gotta wonder if there's a connection.
Don't get me wrong, I understand that there may be exceptions. I know that everyone is different, but I have a question:
Why waste your time on something that ain't doing it for you?
Perhaps it's feeling a void that you feel in your heart after a past relationship ended? Or, because you'd rather try that out than be alone in your bed every night? If that's the reason, it's totally fine, but to expect a deep love connection is unrealistic
If it's friends with benefits, be clear about it with you and the other person involved because if things aren't clear, someone will get hurt. If both peeps are using each other to move on from a past hurt, then that's fine, too. In my opinion, communication is key.
Yeah, we may not realize what our intention is 100% of the time, but we know in our hearts what we want and what feels right in our bones. Maybe it's better if ya sit back, relax and --
Let the butterflies come to you.