(Photo found here)
I love the way a dream looks, even when I wake up sweating and scared.
I like to fall in and out of love because it gives me the opportunity to feel while so many of us have lost that ability. But, I don't like reaching out to someone I like and then getting no response. I recently talked to my good friend about this theme of unresponsiveness in the dating world.
EXT. PATIO - DAY
I sip Merlot with a Friend. The wind blows in our hair --
Me: "I don't get it. I let her know I was interested and got no response. How hard is it to either say, "I ain't into you" or, "let's just be friends."
My Friend gives me one of those looks. Ya know, the one that says, "you don't know shiznit." I shuffle in my chair, not knowing what to expect. When is this Merlot going to kick in?
Friend: "Look, you gotta understand something, youngin'. It isn't that easy. Just because she didn't respond doesn't mean she isn't interested! I'm the same way. Sometimes I need time to process things."
Did the wind just laugh? Because, I can't be the only one who thinks her words are a joke.
Me: "Oh, come on, that's nuts. It only takes a few seconds to respond. How hard is it to tell someone how you feel?"
Friend: "If you don't know, or if you still need time to think about your feelings, it's hard. Very hard."
Me: "What would you still need to think about?"
Friend: "Like, is this person right for me? What do we have in common? Can I handle all of this? Or...this is too much, I'll just deal with it later. These are things I think about all of the time."
Me: "Oh, come on. Like I said, it doesn't take long to respond to someone."
Friend: "I'll be honest with you, a lot of things come into play. Like, what's her education and how much does she get paid? I am not willing to put all of my faith and hope into a 23 year old. I have been hurt so many times in my life and there's no way I would risk my heart getting broken again by a young person. Just ain't happening. I'd rather give myself to Terminator than do that. That's the truth. Please don't hate me."
Maybe it's the way her hair's blowing in the wind, or the way her eyes look so peaceful in the sun. I can't even be annoyed with my Friend or hurt by the honesty.
Does it really come down to things like -- age, education, or your social status?
Sure, I understand that we have to be selective in some way, but at the same time, we must follow our heart...right? If you feel a connection with another human being, especially romantically, are you really going to deny it for such small reasons?
Perhaps it's really about fear. Fear of getting hurt, rejected, or heart broken. We can all relate to that.
My Friend and I decided to walk back inside to finish our conversation. I refill my Merlot as she sits down.
Friend:"Yeah, it's not easy, I get it. But, that's just how it is. Wait two weeks then text her." I stand in the middle of the room and try to decide what words to say. Sometimes I like to think before I talk. Sometimes.
Me: "I dunno, gurl...if she's into me, than she should let me know. That's how I feel in my heart. Things should be easy right now, not complicated. I truly feel like if she likes me, she wouldn't be able to act any other way. And by taking so long to respond, it's clear that the feelings are there. And, I deserve better. It's like my guy friend says about his partner: "I don't care if she shits on her face, I'd kiss her anyway."
Friend: "So, you want to be shit on?"
Me: "...yeah, I guess so."
I smile, grossed out and amused all at once.
And maybe that's what it comes down to -- finding someone who doesn't care what you smell or look like because they like you no matter what and show it.
They just can't help but express how much they care by sending you tons of text messages or nice E-mails to show their interest. This is what happens when two people genuinely care for one another, even in the beginning stages. Yeah, I may be young, but I know da truth --
You deserve the best. I deserve the best.
We all do.