Monday, January 24, 2011

Relocating and Love and Fear.

You know how this goes...

I sit down alone, consumed by my thoughts and cold coffee. A window is at my back and the sunshine is warm on my face.

My head shoots up, distracted by the sound of heat hot footsteps.

They belong to my Friend, who is rushing toward me. I can tell that she's mad about something. What that something is...I'm sure she'll tell me.

Friend: "He's married. F*uck."
The disappointments of potential love. Been there.
Me: "'Oh no. I'm sorry, gurl. Wasn't meant to be I guess."
She sighs, sits next to me. I hope she can feel the sun on her back, too.
Friend: "Thanks, it's okay. He's probably a crazy, broke ass drunk anyway. I seem to always attract those types."
I remain silent but supportive in my gaze. We all deal with rejection in different ways.
Me: "Come on, he's a stranger in a restaurant who you'll never see again."
She turns her head toward me, the sun causing her small frame to glow. If there was such thing as a sun shower, surely this would be it.
Friend: "What if I do? It's not impossible. I could walk around a corner tomorrow or next year and run into him."
She's having a moment. Been there.
Me: "Well, hopefully he'll be divorced and then you can give it a go."
She turns away, consumed by the carpet below her feet. Yeah, she's not listening to me anymore.
Friend: "...he did say he has a brother who lives in Arizona."
My eyebrow perks up. This sounds promising. Perhaps a fling can go down?
Me: "Cool, did you get his information?"
Friend: "No, there's no point. I'd have to relocate to see him and I don't want to do that. I want someone who lives close to me."
Hold up.
Me: "So, you're going to let a few hundred miles keep you from meeting this guy?"
Without hesitation, she looks up and says --
Friend: "Yeah."
And I thought my coffee was cold...

Why is it that we're so focused on relocating when we don't even know how to locate...

our feelings

our needs


Easier said than done, I get it. But hey, what about the idea of going from A to B instead of A to Z to OMFG?

What makes many of us turn away something that can change our lives because of a six or a ten or a twenty hour drive? Hell, give me a donkey. I'll use it if it's the only thing that'll get me to the person I'm diggin'. I've never been great with horses but you better believe I'll figure it out. A kangaroo...sure, I'll squeeze in the pouch.

There are so many inconveniences happening each day, each moment, that keep people apart.

"I would go out with you, but I have work in the morning."

"You got kids? Uh, yeah, I don't do kids."

"A few months until we can have sex? I don't know about all that."

We are so busy tearing each other down instead of lifting each other up. Subconsciously saying, "you ain't good enough" when there's nothing better but YOU. Seriously, peeps.

There's nothing better than YOU.

Someone recently told me --

"When we treat ourselves like we're $10, then we'll attract people who treat us like we're $10."

Arizona isn't far, and no place truly is when we really break it down. My Friend's rejection of a complete stranger is simply a reflection of how she feels about herself -- I'm not worth the distance or the time to be loved. It's a tough thing to see in her...this fear. But, it is in us all. How can it not be?

I wonder what it would be like if we treated ourselves and each other like precious gifts?

Like diamonds, like a Picasso $5 billion dollars?

Maybe then we'd realize that there are planes.

Perhaps we'd realize that work will always be there and taking one night to spend quality time with a special individual is completely worth it.

...that kids are precious and it's a pleasure to be around them.

Then, maybe then

we'll start the engine and take a long, long drive as we realize --

we're gold.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Let's Try This Again,

So, I joined


And ya know what, I'm feeling good about it this time. Like I may actually find love.

But, if I'm being real with myself, I don't know if I really want that at this point in my life. I'm also twenty-five years old and it's becoming less and less appealing.

Over the past month or so I've met a lot of couples. Sure, they seem sorta happy, but will it last? My words don't sound supportive, but this is honestly what runs past my mind.

How can two people in their twenties maintain a lifelong relationship?

I don't know the answer, but perhaps it's not about the future or knowing what's going to happen. Maybe it's about living in the moment and not thinking about anything else.


Maybe they're actually in love.