Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
I sit on my couch, magazine in my lap and a phone to my ear. I like to look at pictures so I have something to do while my Friend yaps away. Can't beat lookin' at Selma Hayek and Alicia Keys on the red carpet, or on any surface for that matter.
Friend: "I can't believe how amazing my gurl is. Like, I'm fucking so lucky. She's awesome and perfect. And guess what, she even cooks. Like, well seasoned poultry."
Oh, wow. Beyonce's lookin' good. Jay...not so much.
Me: "That's great."
Friend: "I know, right! It's only been like a month or whatever but, like, she's the one. I can feel it. But, I'm totally not going to lose myself. Don't worry."
Sigh. I've heard this before. But hey, at least she's making an effort to pretend like she's not going to disappear.
Me: "Cool. I'm happy for you. What are you doing this weekend?"
Friend: "Oh, well, she wants me to meet her mom and uncle on Saturday. Then we're getting a dog together on Sunday. Don't even say it. I know what's coming."
If you know what's coming, then why say it to a sistah?
Me: "Wait. Did you guys already move in together?"
Friend: "No, okay, we didn't. We're just, like, gonna trade off. She'll have him three nights and I'll have him five...wait, that's wrong, right?"
Me: "Four nights. Hmm, okay. Sounds like a U-Haul to me."
Friend: "Can you please be supportive and not criticize me?"
Okay, if that's what she wants, then I understand...kind of.
Me: "Okay, I'm sorry. So hey, when are we meeting up to do our next film? We gotta figure that out."
Friend: "Oh, I don't have time for that. I'm in a relationship."
I shake my head, pick up another magazine. Oh, Angelina's leaving Brad again. Let's see what this is all about since my friend's too busy trying to shove bullshiznit up my ass.
Aight, peeps. Don't get me wrong, I understand what it's like to rush into a relationship. But hey, at least I knew my ass was actin' like a fool when I did.
You meet someone+ 1 week later + in a relationship = too damn fast
I'm just sayin' it's probably best to take your time with things instead of jumping right in before you feel how deep the pool is. Baby steps. For example, I had a date planned recently with someone who is really cute. That whole week I was excited about it. On the day of the date, she texts me --
Her: "So, what's going on for tonight?"
Me: "We're meeting at the restaurant, right?"
Her: "Oh, I was thinking we'd go together."
Boundaries, Lauren. Go slow and maintain space.
Me: "I'd prefer to meet there."
Her: "Well, I don't like to drink and drive."
Me: "Then don't drink."
Her: "Not going to happen. Guess I'll have to let you know."
Me: "Okay, I understand. Hope to hear from you."
Her: "Well, you don't seem too happy to see me."
Me: "Sorry you feel that well. I look forward to hanging out."
I never heard from her, nor did I try to call. Now, if I picked her up, I'm sure we would have had a great time and been on our way to buying a dog. However, I chose to look at the red flags that I saw -- flakiness, a huge Ego, etc. -- and to keep it moving. Now, we're all different. What works for me, may not work for you. All I'm sayin' is breathe for a second and go slower. You never know what you may see.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
(Photo found here)
Yeah, he probably did crack and some other crazy drugs that lead to his death at the age of 50. But, this is still sad and a great tragedy. What are these public figures doing to themselves? We all know Michael was on a lot of medication and I suspect it's the same situation with Billy Mays. The fact is, there are tons of doctors enabling millions across the country to abuse their bodies everyday. Sure, the money must be great, but lives are at stake. People are dying who shouldn't be until 30-40 years down the line.Apparently Mr. Mays hit his head during a rough air plane landing the night before, which makes investigators suspect that contributed to his death. Yeah, uh, I've hit my head before on an airplane and the most that happened was...nothing. Sigh. We'll see what comes out of the autopsy report. I wish his family all of the best.
Be happy, folks.
Shaquille O' Neal
(Photo found here)
And LeBron James will join forces next season!(Photo found here)
Yes, Shaquille O' Neal was traded from the Phoenix Suns to the Cleveland Cavaliers. This is a huge, huge trade that has everyone talking. I can't wait to see what happens in the next NBA season. I think they have a great shot in the East to whoop Boston's ass for sure. They gotta worry about the Lakers and The Magic. But, until then, what comes to mind? How about:
INT. LARGE DINING ROOM - EARLY EVENING
Decadent, but in a good way. Peeps stand, waiting to be told how to serve the VIPs for tonight's charity event. I am one of them. Lost in my own thoughts until an old MAN approaches me.
He searches for my name tag, squinting his eyes until they're almost closed. Damn, his breath smells like two week old trash in 99 degree heat.
Man: "...Lauren. Where do you live, Lauren?"
I smile, trying my best not to judge him or assume that he's crazy.
Me: "Culver City. Just moved here."
His weird looking eyebrows perk upward and beyond. Ohh, fresh meat.
Man: "That's great. Why are you here in Cali?"
Me: "Welp, I graduated last year and want to become a television writer."
He smiles, which reaches his eyes. I immediately melt. Why, I don't know. Maybe it's the way his clothes smell. They remind me of my grandfather.
Man: "Oh, I can get you in touch with a lot of people who can help you."
Like Peter Pan or the Easter bunny? I've heard this before.
Me: "Cool. Where do you live?"
What the hell, I'll add to the conversation. I got nothing else to do.
Man: "I live in Hollywood. I love it there, but I want my own home. I'm a hair stylist.
Hmm, I wouldn't have guessed that. Cool.
Me: "Nice. But, you're here catering...instead of doing hair?"
Man: "Yeah, 'cause I like to hang around you young people. What I make here in a day I make in an hour doing hair."
Hmm, this sounds weird. If you make a TON of money doing hair, would you be giving up your entire Saturday to make much less?
Me: "So, you volunteer for the fun of it all?"
Man: "No, I get paid. Probably the most out of everyone here actually. But it doesn't effect me 'cause I need to focus on opening my salon anyway."
Me: "How did you get catering experience if you're in the beauty industry?"
Man: "Oh, I used to own my own catering company. I decided to let it go after getting into hair. There's more money there. But anyway, I can get you tickets into the Laugh Factory and stuff like that."
He sounds and looks like a pimp who just wasn't cut out for the business and decided to make cartoon pornography instead.
Me: "That's nice of you. Thanks a lot."
Man: "I mean, seriously. These guys will get you in the right direction. They know people like I know people."
Who knows which way to go? I stare out at the beach behind him, not really listening but hearing every word. I can't help but think this is another bullshiznit person from L.A. who has nothing to give but false hope and broken promises.
Let me be real with you. I'm not a fan of pessimism or assumptions, yet I find myself falling into their traps at times. Especially in Los Angeles when I meet peeps like the Man. I feel like Los Angeles is full of individuals, unintentionally or intentionally, trying to suck the life out of you, as well as pretending to be someone they're not.
Since I've been in Los Angeles, a few of the dating technique's I've encountered have frustrated me. One of them being the way in which I am asked out. For the most part, it seems like folks aren't into the traditional thang like saying, "Hi, I like you. Wanna go out?" And hey, if that works for you, then awesome. But for me, it doesn't. Which is why I had to make this list --
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
EXT. PICNIC TABLE - DAY
Peeps stand, some sit. I approach the crowd, adjusting my green shirt on the way. A WOMAN passes by on her phone, and I can't help but listen --
Woman: "Michael Jackson was rushed to the hospital? No way."
I stop in my tracks. Oh, wait. Like Michael, Michael? Or, some other Michael Jackson I don't know because there's no way Jackson 5 Michael is on the brink of death...right?
Woman: "What the hell happened to him?"
I don't know what happened to this other Michael she's talking about but I'm walking away 'cause she's getting me worried. As I reach the picnic tables where all of the other extras are sitting, I immediately hear them discussing MJ. Now my heart is racing.
Man: "Yo, he's done. He's gone, yo. Michael Jackson is dead."
Whoa. Hold up. Okay. Wait. Dead?! How can a man, at 50, be dead. I stand there, shocked. Not knowing what to say or what to do except sit down with my sad thoughts. Michael is gone.
(photo found here)
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
(photo found here)
I don't know what's going on with her or if she's going through a hard time, but this isn't healthy. There are a crapload of little girls who will see her and think, "I need to look like her." And for most of them who try to will do it in ways that harm their body, like throwing up or practically starving themselves.
There's no need for me to name other famous peeps who resemble her because my intention is not to bully. I do, however, feel that it's critical to remind each other to be role models not only on the inside but also on the outside. If Courtney says she's happy and eating a balanced diet, then that's bullshiznit. Nicole Richie said the same thing only to admit a year later that she had a problem. I'm just sayin'.
Be good to yourself. Please.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
2) Have an intensely emotional discussion.
4) Pull out sharp, hard, or long objects without any prior warning.
5) Moan or yell a name other than your partner's.
6) Fall asleep more than once.
7) Start to masturbate because the pleasure committee seems to be out for the night.
8) Pee...well, I take that back.
9) Ask, for the first time, if he or she "loves you."
10) Let the dog in the room so it can watch ya'll throw down.
(photo found here)
I recently saw someone I hadn't seen in a while. We had drinks and had a nice time chatting. It was like the old days. There was no fighting, arguing, or drama. It was just us, some wine, and words. Peace. It makes me wonder why some of us are able to move beyond the past and forgive while others cannot seem to let go of anger.
I have an ex girlfriend who, at times, I would see in NY. Usually it was out at a club or bar in Manhattan. One night I saw her dancing next to me and when I went over to say hello, she responded by storming off.
What makes this situation different? Why do some of us walk away as opposed to simply saying "hey" in return?
In my opinion, it's not as simple as saying one person is still angry or hurt. I feel like that's too easy. When you genuinely care about someone, you'll push your Ego aside and be there for him or her. This includes family, lovers, and friends. There are peeps in my life who have hurt me time and time again, but I would be there if they needed me (except the crazy ones). Coo-coo is always an exception; Betty Boop can tell you all about that subject. You can't risk your health under any circumstances. That's not with this sistah is sayin'.
Let me break it down: screw the past, all we have is the present. When I saw my old friend last night after asking if she'd like to grab a drink, I was happy. I didn't hold on to all of the harsh words we said in the past by being rude or vengeful. I smiled and she smiled back.
Life's too short to be closed.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Life gets lonely and it gets hard and it gets disappointing.
But, we must always put things into perspective. We must always remember, during the hard times, that it could be worse. Especially when hearing words like --
Of course there are situations where we gotta take a moment to live in self-pity for whatever reason. But after that, we gotta pick up those feet and force ourselves to take one positive step at a time.
and then we'll see...life gets happy, too.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Glenn Gimutao shot it and did a great job! He's a great DP/Editor.
(photo found here)
Very real --
What's your preference?
Saturday, June 20, 2009
What made me snap, snap on my camera was his lack of smiling and outward joy. I mean dang, for winning one of the highest honors in the country and being such a dope ass basketball player, you'd think he wouldn't be able not to show his pearly whites all da time...right?
Friday, June 19, 2009
Go Phil! And, the best to you and your family.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
What did this adorable winner have to say after snatchin' the title? Check it --
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Crowded. Hot women and men everywhere, mostly drunk beyond belief. I stand in a corner watching peeps from a distance, a smile on my face. A Gurl bumps into me. Hard. We'll call her Kayla. I look up, immediately recognize her.
I turn to a Guy next to me, hoping he can help a sistah out.
Me: "Hey, is that Kayla?"
He looks over at her and laughs. Ya know, one of those drunken, loud laughs. I wonder what is so funny to him?
Guy: "Yeah, that's her. She's hot, eh?"
Uh, yeah. Duh. Nice face, hot body. Gorgeous eyes. Danger, danger!
Me: "She's very beautiful, yes."
Just as I start to walk away, a famous lezzie approaches me. We'll call her Socks.
Socks: "Hey, you know Kayla?"
Me: "Kind of. Like eavesdropping, eh?"
Socks leans in closer, blocking Kayla from seeing me. What's going on here?
Socks: "When did you guys meet? And what did she say to you?"
What is this, 21 questions? Sure, I'll go with it.
Me: "Uh, we met a few weeks ago. She came over to me as I sat by the fireplace and told me she thought I was hot. And, that she wanted to take me home. I said no, of course. I don't go home with women I don't know, unless she's Selma Hayek."
Socks: "Okay, and what happened when you met her?"
Oh, she likes her. This is getting funny.
Me: "She texted me a lot in the following days, which I didn't like. So, I told her to please call or set up a date because I did not like texting all of the time."
Socks: "Dang, you're hardcore."
Me: "Naw, I expect what I deserve. There's a difference. All she had to do was pick up the phone when I called or call me. Simple as that. We had a date planned and she would never call. Strange. I thought she had a husband and kids."
Socks: "I feel you. But, to stick up for her, we were busy. I took her to a red carpet event. But, I do know that she likes you."
Me: "Look. I don't care where she was or what she did. Flat out, it's called being mature and respectful. I knew something was up with her from the jump though, which is why I didn't go home with her that night."
Socks: "You didn't go? Bummer."
Why do I feel like this is a trap?
Me: "Naw, I didn't. And when we had a date planned, I canceled after she wouldn't pick up my call or call me back. It's strange when a woman will only text."
Socks: "She's nice."
Me: "Yeah, so is Lindsay Lohan."
She laughs even harder. I'm glad I made someone laugh today.
Socks: "Damn. Well, she was part of my event that night anyway. She did tell me about you though."
Me: "She isn't for me. I don't have time for flakes no matter how cute they may be."
Socks looks back at Kayla.
Socks: "I don't fuckin' blame her. You're cute as hell."
Is she hitting on me?
Socks: "Do you mind if I fuck her?"
My mouth drops. What did she just say?
Me: "Wow. Um, that's not my place. I don't know her."
Socks turns around and yells over to Kayla to join us.
Socks: "Remember L. Boogie?"
Kayla: "Yeah, we met once."
As Kayla looks away, Socks leans in toward me.
Socks: "Do you mind if I fuck her, Lauren?"
Me: "Like I just said, that's not my business."
Socks: "Okay, cool."
Me: "Look, you guys seem great for each other. Kayla, you're cool and I wish you luck."
Kayla: "You, too, sweety."
I want nothing more than to leave before these women stick to my clothes like lent that I can't shake off. As I grab my Friend and jet out, I hear --
Socks: "Okay, so I guess I have to fuck her!"
What a bizarre conversation with someone I see around Los Angeles and on television. I guess it proves that everyone is insecure and deals with the same dating woes, right? Sure, I know we're all human, but I can't help but fall into the trap of sensationalism when it comes to this town and the peeps we see on magazines.
I am most proud of myself for listening to the voice in my head when I met Kayla. It told me to be cautious, but open. Sure enough, my intuition was right. I may not always be accurate in my way of thinking, but following my gut never fails...even when it hurts to do so.
No lie, Kayla is supa dupa cute, but not for me. Don't settle, folks, if it doesn't feel right. Listen to the most powerful tool you have:
Monday, June 15, 2009
(photo found here)
You guys deserve it, each and every one of ya!
I got to thinking, yesterday: "Why do I love basketball so much?"
I think it's the fact that it's so intense and fast paced. Whatever the reason is, I love it. And, in watching in recently I realized that it brings me and my friends together.
It brings people together from all walks of life.
Anyone can join in and play, or watch. It's important, I feel, to be involved in a sport or activity like this especially if you're single. Not only is it a great hobby, but it enforces team work, hard work, and loyalty -- all positive traits in terms of a mate and for yourself.
What's your favorite sport or activity to participate in?
A 26-year-old blogger, Beccah Beushausen, had thousands of followers hanging on to her every word as a single mother carrying a terminally ill baby. Her courage was admired by many as a woman deciding to have a 'doomed' kid, especially with Christian and anti-abortion peeps. And, when she gave birth to her child, their support only grew; her website received 1 million hits shortly after the subsequent death.
Until they found out it was all a lie.
(Photo found here)
Saturday, June 13, 2009
(photo found here)
The whole time peeps, including myself, said it wouldn't last. That she was too old and wouldn't keep his attention. Some said much worse, which I won't repeat.
I wonder if people have done that with the women I was with in the past. Did my friends think, "Oh, I give that six months" right after meeting one of my girlfriends?
As a 20-something, I know there is a high probability that this already happened. But, this shouldn't be looked down upon or laughed at, because we've all been there.
It takes time to figure out what kind of person you want and who is a good match for you. Sometimes, unfortunately, it means going through a divorce. Or, getting your heart broken a million times. Okay, not that many, but ya feel me.
I respect Usher. He took a risk. It's admirable that he followed his heart and went for it, particularly when so many peeps were hatin' on him.
Let It Burn.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Well, that's exactly what happened to a Missouri family when their friend spotted a picture of them while driving through Prague, which had been posted on a blog and several social networking sites. The photo shows Danielle Smith with her husband, Jeff, holding their two small children in their arms. It's nothing short of adorable. You can see it on this Associated Press article written by Betsy Taylor.
"It's a life-size picture in a grocery store window in Prague — my Christmas card photo!" said Danielle Smith, 36.
I can't even imagine if that happened to me. Well, yes, I can. And ya know what, I wouldn't be mad unless the store was a gun shop or something. Then, I'd make 'em take my picture down or at least pay me. You can't just use a picture that doesn't belong to you or that you don't have permission to use. Still, who can be mad at the owner, Mario Bertuccio who said --
"We'll be happy to write an e-mail with our apology or a bottle of wine."
Yeah, I'll take some wine...a lifetime supply. Don't we all wish forgiveness could be as easy as offering a nice glass of Merlot?
The world would be a better place. A drunk one, but much better.
(photo found here)
Bono's publicist, Howard Bragman, confirmed this, saying, "Yes, it's true -- Chaz, after many years of consideration, has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity. He is proud of his decision and grateful for the support and respect that has already been shown by his loved ones. It is Chaz's hope that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue, just as his 'coming out' did nearly 20 years ago."
If I could give ya a hug, Chastity, I would. This takes so much courage to do and it must be scary as the whole world discusses your life. He, like Adam Lambert, will inspire millions of peeps--gay, straight, bi, squirrel, kangaroo--by following his heart. Yeah, some will say it took him long enough because he's 40 years old, but I don't think it matters. What does?
His actions. What do you think about this? Could you date someone who has made such a drastic transformation?
Just wanted to give ya'll an update on Ashton Kutcher's campaign to end hunger. He called for video submissions from random people asking for them to say the following: "Are you Hungry? I'm hungry. Dig in!" So, I did that with my good friend (who is in the video above) and submitted it two weeks ago. Ashton and his team got back to us commenting that they wanted another one with us saying the following: "Hunger is not an option, join the community that cares." Below you can also check out that one. In the next week or so, he's going to premiere the campaign video in which he'll focus on a handful of the submissions. Let's hope ours is one of them!!
When you're young like me, it's always a good idea to try new things. I'm all about putting myself out there and taking a chance -- even if I fail.
Reach for da stars, peeps!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
(photo found here)
I'm sure most of you are thinking, "It's about time." And, honestly, so am I. I knew this relationship wouldn't last more than a few months. It's almost as predictable as the sun coming out each day or Wisconsin's dog wanting a yummy snack every five minutes. I even saw my friend yawn as he took in the news. Yeah, I don't think anyone believes in young love anymore, not that we ever really did. I mean, we don't really start waking up until we're at least 19...right?
Sigh. Okay, let me stop with all of this bullshiznit.
Seeing the headline, "Miley and Justin are Over" broke my heart. I wanted them to last. I wanted them to be together for decades so that they could prove all of us wrong. Nothing is impossible. Nothing. I loved looking at pictures of them and thinking how in love they seemed. Looking at her made me think of myself years ago before I thought about exes, past hurt, and heartache. She made me think of the time when nothing else mattered but the way I felt for someone, even if they were idealistic or a little too old. Things used to not matter so much to me and the people I know.
Let's be real. Miley and Justin are young and probably weren't right for each other. Duh. But, who are we to judge and make comments regarding their relationship just because of their age? Maybe, deep down, we're a little jealous. Jealous of how life used to be when a woman gave me flowers and I didn't check to make sure they were the ones I liked because all that mattered was the kind gesture. They could have been dirty weeds, but I saw them as gold. Yes, I used to be floored from the insides out by the smallest things, even a kiss blown my way.
For real -- I miss those days. Mucho. But, there are always bigger and brighter ones to come. Of course Miley and Justin will move on and fall head over heels again. But, I'm also sure that the love they have for each other will always have a special place in their hearts.
Keep lovin' and dreamin'.
Initially, my first reaction was to laugh. But, then I told myself, "Lauren, don't assume you're right. You know how that gets you into trouble." I decided to continue reading so that I could be fully informed. Here's one of the main points the writer makes --
How to Go the Distance
If you love your car, you might dream of making it to the one-million-mile mark, too. But can it be done? The consensus seems to be that with regular maintenance and the necessary parts replacements over the years, most modern cars can go the distance.
Love. Is that all is takes to make a car reach 1 million miles? Ya know, putting all of the hope and care that you can in order to make it survive against all odds; like regularly getting a maintenance check up and replacing old parts so that it doesn't break down, thus preventing an early death. Or, washing it every week because you want your lovely automobile to look just as good as you.
What if we could be like cars?
Ya know, staying in a relationship through thick and thin, even when our oil is runnin' low or if we need a new radiator. Having the willingness to go over 900,000 miles because your owner loves and cares about you very much. "What you get, you give" is the bumper sticker that's on your windshield, and you're proud of it since it's true.
You be gettin' that love and givin' it. And no matter what, when you feel that key, you always start. Ready for anything, even a long trip...or a short one. That's just how you roll.
I wouldn't mind being a Lexus and going the distance. But, my question would be:
Who has the keys?
Well, my beautiful peeps, I have good news: he finally told Rolling Stone magazine that he's "gay and proud of it."
Without realizing it, Adam is inspiring millions of people who are living in fear or afraid to be who they are. If I was a teenager afraid to come out to my family, this would motivate me to be honest with 'em. I would be thinking, "If Adam can do it, so can I." And, I'm sure thousands of others are thinking the same thang.
Thank you, Adam. Thank you so much for being you.
Check out more information on Adam at Pop Eater.
Monday, June 8, 2009
(Photo found here)
I love the way a dream looks, even when I wake up sweating and scared.
I like to fall in and out of love because it gives me the opportunity to feel while so many of us have lost that ability. But, I don't like reaching out to someone I like and then getting no response. I recently talked to my good friend about this theme of unresponsiveness in the dating world.
EXT. PATIO - DAY
I sip Merlot with a Friend. The wind blows in our hair --
Me: "I don't get it. I let her know I was interested and got no response. How hard is it to either say, "I ain't into you" or, "let's just be friends."
My Friend gives me one of those looks. Ya know, the one that says, "you don't know shiznit." I shuffle in my chair, not knowing what to expect. When is this Merlot going to kick in?
Friend: "Look, you gotta understand something, youngin'. It isn't that easy. Just because she didn't respond doesn't mean she isn't interested! I'm the same way. Sometimes I need time to process things."
Did the wind just laugh? Because, I can't be the only one who thinks her words are a joke.
Me: "Oh, come on, that's nuts. It only takes a few seconds to respond. How hard is it to tell someone how you feel?"
Friend: "If you don't know, or if you still need time to think about your feelings, it's hard. Very hard."
Me: "What would you still need to think about?"
Friend: "Like, is this person right for me? What do we have in common? Can I handle all of this? Or...this is too much, I'll just deal with it later. These are things I think about all of the time."
Me: "Oh, come on. Like I said, it doesn't take long to respond to someone."
Friend: "I'll be honest with you, a lot of things come into play. Like, what's her education and how much does she get paid? I am not willing to put all of my faith and hope into a 23 year old. I have been hurt so many times in my life and there's no way I would risk my heart getting broken again by a young person. Just ain't happening. I'd rather give myself to Terminator than do that. That's the truth. Please don't hate me."
Maybe it's the way her hair's blowing in the wind, or the way her eyes look so peaceful in the sun. I can't even be annoyed with my Friend or hurt by the honesty.
Does it really come down to things like -- age, education, or your social status?
Sure, I understand that we have to be selective in some way, but at the same time, we must follow our heart...right? If you feel a connection with another human being, especially romantically, are you really going to deny it for such small reasons?
Perhaps it's really about fear. Fear of getting hurt, rejected, or heart broken. We can all relate to that.
My Friend and I decided to walk back inside to finish our conversation. I refill my Merlot as she sits down.
Friend:"Yeah, it's not easy, I get it. But, that's just how it is. Wait two weeks then text her." I stand in the middle of the room and try to decide what words to say. Sometimes I like to think before I talk. Sometimes.
Me: "I dunno, gurl...if she's into me, than she should let me know. That's how I feel in my heart. Things should be easy right now, not complicated. I truly feel like if she likes me, she wouldn't be able to act any other way. And by taking so long to respond, it's clear that the feelings are there. And, I deserve better. It's like my guy friend says about his partner: "I don't care if she shits on her face, I'd kiss her anyway."
Friend: "So, you want to be shit on?"
Me: "...yeah, I guess so."
I smile, grossed out and amused all at once.
And maybe that's what it comes down to -- finding someone who doesn't care what you smell or look like because they like you no matter what and show it.
They just can't help but express how much they care by sending you tons of text messages or nice E-mails to show their interest. This is what happens when two people genuinely care for one another, even in the beginning stages. Yeah, I may be young, but I know da truth --
You deserve the best. I deserve the best.
We all do.
(photo found here)
For all of those who lost a loved one who was on this flight, my thoughts are with you. Please stay strong and hang in there. I am so sorry for your loss.
An incident like this makes me realize how fortunate I am. How grateful I am to have simple problems, such as figuring out how to pay rent or when to tell my neighbors I'd like to smoke more air than their pot smoke.
The small things look so big and beautiful...because they are.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
(photo found here)
Apparently there are eight different types of drinkers. Here are a few examples from this article found on AOL Health:
Women generally fall into this cold and defensive category, according to Wilson. The ice-queen usually drinks from a wine glass that his held across her body so as to fend off unwanted advances. You're best off not approaching this type as she is likely armed with a put-down.
This man oozes with sexuality. His choice of drink? A long bottle that he plays with suggestively. He is likely to be very hands-on with his female companions.
The Fun Lover
At the center of a group, enjoying herself is the fun-lover. She holds her glass loosely and only takes small sips from it so she can still chime in to the conversation. She's eager to extend her social network, so if you're looking to find an in with a fun-lover, strike up a conversation and make her laugh.
I wonder which one I would be from the group...probably, "The Flirt" or "The Fun Lover." Maybe even a mix of the two. Hmm...who knows if you can categorize someone by an ounce of vodka or a shot of tequila, but one thang is for sure:
The drink won't matter when the kiss is great.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Sigh. My heart goes out to her as a young person who has always struggled with weight.
Kelly, you sure look deep in thought. Maybe you're wondering why everyone keeps pressuring you to be a size 1 or telling you that by not starving yourself you're harming the world.
Maybe you're thinking that you're fans don't care how you look and that they'll always be around no matter what anyone says.
Yeah, that's more like it. What it comes down to is this -- Kelly, you can sang, gurl. Or, as my grandmother would say, you can "saaaaaaang." And, in my opinion, your curves only add to your beauty.
It's hard living in this world and not being "perfect" looking. As in a size 0, no stretch marks or cellulite, and 5'10". Sure, that's not perfect to me, but that is the perfect that's being crammed down into society's brain. Look at any magazine and tell me I'm wrong.
What it comes down to is being happy with yourself and not allowing anyone to tell you that you're not pretty, skinny, or good enough. We are all beautiful human beings. And that's what it truly comes down to.
The sun's down, but it isn't pitch dark. I'm in Palm Springs where it never really gets cold. I have a glass of red wine next to my shoulder.
I talk to my Friend on the phone. We're talking about love, as usual.
You know how this goes. I sigh --
Friend: "I don't know what it is about her...I just keep letting her back in."
Are we in a Lauryn Hill song?
Me: "Yeah, but why? I mean, if you aren't interested in her, then why keep talking to her? I don't get it, chick."
Friend: "Maybe it's like you and Helen. Maybe I just have to keep meeting her and going back for more before I realize that I want nothing from her but friendship."
Me: "I always knew it wouldn't go anywhere with her though. I think there's more to it than that, because when she calls, you answer. You obviously have some sort of curiosity, but refuse to let yourself be interested in her. Why not just let go?"
Friend: "Who knows. I'm bored and lonely. And, the fact is, I like the attention. Gurl, it takes too much goddamn work to be in a real relationship. It's easier if I just sleep with her and move on."
Me: "You mean you'd rather not know her on a deeper level?"
Me: "Shiznit, I know love it tough but damn...I'd open up if I felt strongly about someone else."
Friend: "You know what it is...like honestly. When I was 22 a girl broke my heart. Left me for a guy and 23 years later, I don't think I'm over it. I don't think I've ever healed from that enough to let anyone close to my heart."
Friend: "Yeah, I know it sounds crazy but I think that's a lot of the reason why I don't open up. It's just so hard. It's too hard."
Me: "I hear you."
Damn. I need more wine.
I always talk about how we keep the hurt in our heart from past relationships, but my friend's words shocked me. 23 years later and she's still hurting. 23 years later and she has closed up shop!
I never thought there were examples of folks who stay heart broken years after a relationship, but maybe we're all like that in a way. Do we ever truly get over the people we were with who we really loved? Sex or one night stands aren't included. I'm talking about a real love connection. One where you opened up and bled your soul out to the other person.
When I think of doing that, my question then becomes, how do you get over it? I've always associated time with healing, but truthfully, time has nothing to do with it. It must come down to choice. If we feel like movin' on, we do what we gotta do to move on, right? For some, that includes therapy, for others that includes throwing darts at a picture of your ex every night for months.
Love is love. Heartache is heartache. No one said it is easy to move on. Trust me, I know what you're going through. But, does it come down to choice or is "getting over" someone out of our control when we gave a part of us to that relationship/person? It's tough to say, but I think any thing's possible.
Including falling in love over and over again. Ya know, like when you were 22.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
This makes me think about life and how short it is, how it can flash before our eyes in an instant. I wonder if they went painlessly, or if they got to say a few last words to each other. What do you say to the love of your life at that moment? When you know death is looking you in the eye?
Yeah, we all have arguments with peeps or occasionally say something mean to someone we love. But, it's never too late to call 'em up and simply say, "I'm sorry" or "let's talk." I'd rather put myself on the line and risk embarrassment than have regret or "go down" without closure. Looking at Alex and Julia's story made me pause for a few minutes and think about the things that are important to me --
Yeah, I'll make that doctor's appointment today for my annual exam. Yeah, I'll go pet the doggies and play with 'em for half an hour. Sure, I'll sit down with my father and listen to why playing golf makes his eyes twinkle. And, when someone threatens to hurt me or takes some form of unfair action, I will respond with compassionate words. Because, in the end, that rude person will end up hurting more.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
It ain't cool to get to know someone for the first time through texting.
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT
I sit on my bed watching Oprah and playin' with my phone. It makes a loud beeping sound -- letting me know that I have a text message.
Woman: "Hey there sweetheart. How are you? How's the writing and your stand-up? I am doing well. Just cooking and working."
Me: "Life's good. Thank you for asking."
What exactly does she wants? I'm confused. She never called to ask me out on a date, but wants to now get to know me?
Woman: "So, tell me about you."
Me: "Um, I like wine."
Woman: "Cool. Me, too. I serve a lot of it where I work. What do you like to do for fun?"
I can't take it anymore.
Me: "Write, talk, learn, shop. Look. You're cool. But, I'm not a fan of this whole texting thang with someone I hardly know. If you'd like to grab some dinner, let me know. I'm open to that."
Silence...and she hasn't texted back since.
Question: does anyone like to talk anymore? I don't understand why it's so hard to pick up the phone.
Let's look at this differently. Perhaps I could have lived in the Present moment and simply allowed myself to let go and have a pleasant conversation with a nice woman.
Deep down, maybe there's fear inside me. Maybe we're all a little bit scared of someone trying to get to know us. I think it's normal to want to put a guard up in fear of being accepted for who you truly are inside. To be real, I also think it's as simple as --
Sometimes people need time to approach you.
It's not as easy, I think, as calling and saying, "Hey, do you want to go out with me?" What if the person says no. Plus, now you're scared about the thought of a face-to-face date in which you're under a microscope for any and everything that you say. Rejection. The thought of it makes most of us want to cower under a pillow.
If I could go back, I'd loosen up. I would have gotten to know her and simply responded to her texts and allowed myself to be vulnerable. Now I have subconsciously said, "you're gonna have to work hard to get to know me, plus I'm going to throw up walls." Who wouldn't be scared by that and only want to text?
What do you guys think? Would you have continued to talk or said what I said?
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
For others, they think the opposite, which isn't a bad thang. It is what it is. Last weekend, I sat down with a few peeps and had a discussion about love.
There was salad, pasta, and hearts involved. You know how this goes --
Friend 1: "I don't know, I really like this gurl though."
I sit in a white plastic chair as she smokes. I don't like cigarettes, but the cool air makes up for it.
Friend 2: "Yeah, that's awesome."
Friend 1: "She's like perfect. So smart. And hot."
She stops, a sad look in her eyes. What is she not telling us?
Friend 1: "But, I don't really get butterflies when I kiss her. And, I so badly want there to be butterflies."
Ah, yeah. I remember that feeling. Love. God, it has been a while.
Me: "Dang, I'm sorry to hear that."
Friend 1: "I got them with my ex. All of the time."
Friend 2: "Yeah, the same for me. I love my boyfriend, but not like John...not that I don't love him. it's just...different I guess."
Me: "I hear you. But, if you don't mind me asking, if she doesn't give you butterflies, then why waste your time?"
Friend 1: "Maybe it will come. And, I have to move on at some point."
Friend 2: "And if they don't come, then that's okay. Sometimes it's easier not to deal with intense emotions."
I immediately want to disagree, but focus my energy on the sun kissing my back instead.
Friend 1: "I hope they come, because I don't want to think about her anymore. I don't want to want her anymore. This other girl is perfect and I want to try it out with her."
Our eyes lock and I immediately feel her pain. Sometimes it's best not to say anything. Just to listen and let that be.
Me: "Yeah, I feel ya."
For some reason, my back doesn't feel as warm. Did the sun run away?
Moving on is tough. Sometimes I still think about my first love. And, sometimes I still hurt from it. Just because you may not be in love with someone doesn't mean they aren't still on your mind. Or, that those hurts don't still hurt a little bit every now 'n then. It's part of being human.
But, let me be real with ya. If I kissed a woman and didn't feel my heart skip a beat, or something that knocked me off my feet, there's no point in going further. I once dated a lovely lady and didn't feel a thang when we kissed the first time. I thought, "well, maybe it'll get better once I get to know her more." After several kissing sessions, nothing changed. Nada. So, I stay firm in thinking that we know immediately if there's a connection or not with another human being, romantic or non romantic. You know it from the first moment you look into his or her eyes. Every time I looked into a woman's eyes and felt a connection, it was definitely there when we kissed.
I'm not sayin' that every kiss has to blow you out of the park. Or, make you almost have an orgasm. And, sometimes the first kiss isn't all that great because of nervousness or what have you. However, if something ain't clickin' after the third or second session, you gotta wonder if there's a connection.
Don't get me wrong, I understand that there may be exceptions. I know that everyone is different, but I have a question:
Why waste your time on something that ain't doing it for you?
Perhaps it's feeling a void that you feel in your heart after a past relationship ended? Or, because you'd rather try that out than be alone in your bed every night? If that's the reason, it's totally fine, but to expect a deep love connection is unrealistic
If it's friends with benefits, be clear about it with you and the other person involved because if things aren't clear, someone will get hurt. If both peeps are using each other to move on from a past hurt, then that's fine, too. In my opinion, communication is key.
Yeah, we may not realize what our intention is 100% of the time, but we know in our hearts what we want and what feels right in our bones. Maybe it's better if ya sit back, relax and --
Let the butterflies come to you.
Lauryn Hill blasts. I bounce my head to the beat, lovin' every note she sings. As I drive in the parking lot of Ralphs, I see an elderly Woman (70s) leaning against a post, out of breath. Oh, no, is she okay? I immediately drive toward her, turn off the music.
I roll down my window. Maybe I can be superwoman today.
Me: "Are you okay, ma'am?"
She barely moves her head to look at me, but I can still see her eyes. Blue, and wise. I feel like I know her. Maybe I saw her in a history book from the 1960s or an old edition of Time Magazine.
Old Woman: "Oh yes, dear. I'm just old and tired. But thank you, you're sweet."
She leans even more against the railing, which I didn't think was possible. A huge smile on her face. I slowly drive off, not knowing what to think. Is she really okay?
I find myself wanting to be her one day. Ya know, completely content with being out of breath in a Ralphs parking lot. A life lived. What if we could all be this way?
She makes me want to travel around the world for a year like I've always imagined. Or, go kiss that person I had a dream about last night. Yeah, she makes me want to do everything I've ever feared to do. And what do I really have to lose except nothing?
Maybe she's superwoman.