Saturday, January 14, 2012

Love and Strippers and Laundry.

I dated a stripper and loved her for a handful of months. Seven or so according to my memory. You might think it was a foolish idea and, looking back, I would have to agree. But if you had seen the way she moved on stage--those big, brown eyes of hers as she looked at you during a lap dance--you'd understand.

Right away, give or take sixty seconds, I knew it wouldn't work out. We were both unemployed, unmotivated, and by no means truly in love with each other. I'm sure she knew it, too. But our loneliness and determination to be unproductive tied us together, thus giving a false impression of liking the other person.

I remember, after we broke up the first time, calling her one afternoon. We ended up seeing each other that night--her, me, and our loneliness sat in a bar eating stale peanuts. Her eyes got me again. We touched each other. It was nice, but I felt empty . . . like before.

In the car later that evening, I remember crying (I did a lot of that with her) and saying, "All I wanted was to be happy with you . . . to wake up and drink coffee, write, and do the laundry without a doubt in my mind that you wanted that, too."

I had no idea what I was talking about.

There's no way we could have been happy together, but I said those words and believed them at the time. The many lessons from that relationship often hit me at the strangest moments--this one being in the employee lounge where I work.

Lesson #8,001: Learn how to do the laundry.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Sweat Me A Compliment.

Today I went to the gym. I try to go at least 3-5 times a week.

I'm averaging two . . . and that's a good week.

When I actually make it there, I feel energized and ready to take on the world. The drips of sweat as I climb on the stepper or run on the treadmill give me motivation and allow me to see how hard I am working.

To get stronger

To feel sexy

And frankly, to not get fat. Again.

"Damn baby, you don't need to be in here. You already pretty as f*ck" said an attractive guy as I entered the gym. He winked at me and I sort of liked it.

Actually, I really liked it.

These are the kind of moments that inspire me to grow . . . to keep running and sweating and dripping. And his words remained in my head as I climbed the stairs to go lift weights. To be real, they stayed with me the entire time I was there.

It always amazes me how far a few kind words can go. A simple compliment, like the one I heard today, can lift a bad mood or give someone hope during a hopeless time. We all have the power to change lives, to change worlds. Sometimes all it takes is a split second.

I'll be at the gym tomorrow.

Friday, January 6, 2012

2012 = No More Bullsh*t.

I want you to hear me when I say . . .

Love doesn't hurt.

It should be joyful. Cool. Mellow. Nice. Sweet. Comforting. Kind. Full of butterflies and smiles.

There should be NO bullsh*t. No, I didn't say there should be little bullsh*t. I said there should be NO bullsh*t.

Why is it that so many of us have become accustomed to feeling negative feelings when it comes to dating, love, and relationships?

She doesn't call a lot but at least she texts me every now and then.

Yeah, he lied a few times but he always apologizes.

So what if she's still getting out of a relationship. She's over him.

No, no, and hell no.

We should not be settling. We should not be changing our needs and expectations out of loneliness or a feeling of I can't do any better.

We CAN do so much better. But, better isn't always that easy. Better may take a minute to come your way. What does better entail (at times)?

Being alone more often than you'd like

Nights in bed by yourself


Or, better can look like this:

Spending more time with friends and family

Working on your craft

Starting up a new hobby and rockin' da sh*t out of it

It's all a matter of what you're looking for in your life at this moment. Some of you may be willing to wait until that special somebody comes along. Or, perhaps you're the type of person who needs a body by your side . . . someone who is simply there, regardless of the fact they he or she may not love you. Sometimes it's easier to be with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I've been there. I was there recently and it took me a while to figure out:

Love doesn't hurt

Love isn't being nice one second and then calling you an asshole the next. Love isn't flaking out on plans you made a month ago. Love isn't missing your birthday. Love isn't cheating on you. Love isn't being passive aggressive. Love isn't being hot and cold. Love doesn't involve manipulation or abuse of any kind. Love isn't, "I'm in a relationship but unhappy. Wanna go out?" Love doesn't allow you to stay up late at night wondering when he or she will come home. Love isn't feeling like you're constantly on eggshells.

Love is sexy. Love is kind. Love is cool. And even when love doesn't feel so cool it's still cool because y'all know how to keep it cool.

Love is disagreeing while still respecting the other person. Love never allows name calling. Ever.

Question: was there a memo that was sent out to the world that said we should deal with bullsh*t? That we should be okay with getting hurt and feeling this way on a regular basis? Did Obama pass a bill that makes everyone not wait for the person of their dreams--who treats him or her like Gold? I can't help but wonder if that went down because, it seems, that many of the people I know (myself included) haven't experienced anything but a lot of hurting. And not just hurting once or twice during a two year relationship. But hurting over and over and over and over and over again within the first few months of dating.

We are getting too used to FEELING hurt. So much so that it's become normal. And now it feels abnormal when someone makes us feel LOVED.

When I meet a woman who makes me feel nothing but joy. Who is consistently loving, straight forward, plays no games, and--wait, that hasn't happened yet. I haven't met her . . . yet.

So what have I been doing because she hasn't come my way? I've been allowing myself to hurt and feel pain because I thought it was love. I was settling. I was allowing myself to put up with bullsh*t. I wasn't being kind to ME.

The good thing is, it's a new day. It's a new year. It's a new moment and a new second. Every experience is an opportunity for growth. All of the failures and mistakes that I've made, we've all made, have been worth it because they brought us to this moment.

And now, when I see her or anyone else who used to inspire hurt within me, I am now able to walk away because I know one thing:

I ain't putting up with no bullsh*t