You know how this goes --
I sit on my couch, magazine in my lap and a phone to my ear. I like to look at pictures so I have something to do while my Friend yaps away. Can't beat lookin' at Selma Hayek and Alicia Keys on the red carpet, or on any surface for that matter.
Friend: "I can't believe how amazing my gurl is. Like, I'm fucking so lucky. She's awesome and perfect. And guess what, she even cooks. Like, well seasoned poultry."
Oh, wow. Beyonce's lookin' good. Jay...not so much.
Me: "That's great."
Friend: "I know, right! It's only been like a month or whatever but, like, she's the one. I can feel it. But, I'm totally not going to lose myself. Don't worry."
Sigh. I've heard this before. But hey, at least she's making an effort to pretend like she's not going to disappear.
Me: "Cool. I'm happy for you. What are you doing this weekend?"
Friend: "Oh, well, she wants me to meet her mom and uncle on Saturday. Then we're getting a dog together on Sunday. Don't even say it. I know what's coming."
If you know what's coming, then why say it to a sistah?
Me: "Wait. Did you guys already move in together?"
Friend: "No, okay, we didn't. We're just, like, gonna trade off. She'll have him three nights and I'll have him five...wait, that's wrong, right?"
Me: "Four nights. Hmm, okay. Sounds like a U-Haul to me."
Friend: "Can you please be supportive and not criticize me?"
Okay, if that's what she wants, then I understand...kind of.
Me: "Okay, I'm sorry. So hey, when are we meeting up to do our next film? We gotta figure that out."
Friend: "Oh, I don't have time for that. I'm in a relationship."
I shake my head, pick up another magazine. Oh, Angelina's leaving Brad again. Let's see what this is all about since my friend's too busy trying to shove bullshiznit up my ass.
Aight, peeps. Don't get me wrong, I understand what it's like to rush into a relationship. But hey, at least I knew my ass was actin' like a fool when I did.
You meet someone+ 1 week later + in a relationship = too damn fast
I'm just sayin' it's probably best to take your time with things instead of jumping right in before you feel how deep the pool is. Baby steps. For example, I had a date planned recently with someone who is really cute. That whole week I was excited about it. On the day of the date, she texts me --
Her: "So, what's going on for tonight?"
Me: "We're meeting at the restaurant, right?"
Her: "Oh, I was thinking we'd go together."
Boundaries, Lauren. Go slow and maintain space.
Me: "I'd prefer to meet there."
Her: "Well, I don't like to drink and drive."
Me: "Then don't drink."
Her: "Not going to happen. Guess I'll have to let you know."
Me: "Okay, I understand. Hope to hear from you."
Her: "Well, you don't seem too happy to see me."
Me: "Sorry you feel that well. I look forward to hanging out."
I never heard from her, nor did I try to call. Now, if I picked her up, I'm sure we would have had a great time and been on our way to buying a dog. However, I chose to look at the red flags that I saw -- flakiness, a huge Ego, etc. -- and to keep it moving. Now, we're all different. What works for me, may not work for you. All I'm sayin' is breathe for a second and go slower. You never know what you may see.