Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Unspoken Attraction.

Situation --

You're in a relationship. You meet someone who wants to be friends. A great person who you are very physically attracted to.

And, your loving partner doesn't care that you two are friends...for the moment.

You know how this goes --

I sit with my Friend at the beach. We're reading...or pretending to read in between looking at the sun and nice bodies.
Friend: "You think I should dump her?"
Me: "Hey, she's your girlfriend, not mine. Whatever makes you happy."
Friend: "Come on, I need your help. You're a woman 'n shit like that. I don't want it to be an issue, but I just get the feeling that something isn't right."
Me: "Well, do you think she's cheating on you?"
Friend: "No, she'd never do that...I don't think. But, I know she wants to fuck him. He wouldn't mind either."
Me: "So then, it bothers you?"
Friend: "Yes, but it shouldn't...right? It's all your fault. Having me listen to my heart and shit.
He smiles at me. I laugh.
Me: "You know how I feel. If your gut is telling you it doesn't feel right, then be honest."
Friend: "And say what? I don't want you to be friends with him anymore? What right do I have to say that to another person?"
Me: "If that's what you need, then you have every right. When you're in a relationship, you have to express your feelings and needs otherwise resentment, anger, and hostility will occur. Be honest with her."
We sit there in silence. My Friend looks out at the ocean in deep thought. . . then --
Friend: "What if she says no...that she won't stop being his friend?"
Me: "Your answer will come when or if that moment comes. Why focus on something that is Not?"
Friend: "Yeah...I guess."
Me: "It will work out how it's meant to, honey."
He takes it in, sitting there until his body suddenly perks up.
Friend: "Fuck, why would she put me in this situation? She has to know that it's obvious they want to have sex with each other. And still being his friend...I hate it."
Me: "All you can do is tell her what you need, then proceed from there."
A hot woman passes and he doesn't even notice. I look over at him and see something for the first time in his eyes -- hurt. For a brief second, I wish I had a pill to make it all go away.

There are times when you need to be supportive and just listen to your friends, because that's what they need. Then, there are other times where you have to break it down.

Imma break it down --

If you're with someone and they're hanging out with a person they are attracted to, it probably ain't a good idea to be with 'em.

Seriously, there's no need. And, frankly, if my girlfriend wanted to do that, I'd be questioning her integrity and respect for me as a person. It's along the same lines of hanging out with an ex girlfriend you'd love to have just one more night with. Hey, if you're single, that's all good 'n the hood. But, it ain't appropriate behavior when you're in a relationship.

Temptations can be good for ya and they can be bad for ya. This ain't one of the good ones, ya'll.

My friend is dope, but he has to experience what he's meant to in life just like the rest of us. His girlfriend may agree to stop hanging out with that guy and they may get married/live happily ever after. She may also say, "Hell no" to breaking off the friendship, which forces him to make a tough decision: do I stay with a woman who won't even respond to my needs in the way I deserve, or do I end the relationship in the hopes of finding a woman who will?

To me, the answer is obvious. And, I don't care how good she looks or what she can do with her tongue. If she ain't willing to end the inappropriate friendship, then I have to do what's best for me: end our relationship. 'Cause I know that if I love my partner, I'll easily give up a disrespectful friendship for the sake of our relationship.

And remember, there are mucho fish in the sea. Like, ova 6 billion.

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