Friday, July 17, 2009

To Chase or Not to Chase

Went out recently and talked to a few ladies about love. We discussed mucho things from heart ache to failing relationships, but found ourselves focused on one question --

Why is it so hard for a woman to act like she likes you when she likes you?

Woman 1: "'Cause they fucking suck. That's why."
She downs a shot. I don't think it's her first, or third one.
Woman 2: "No, no, no. I just think it's about being shy or rejected. As women we don't want someone we like to turn us down."
Me: "Hmm. I honestly don't know. I mean, this one woman supposedly likes me yet every time we speak, she doesn't say much. And,when I invite her out she says no or that she's busy. Wasup with that?"
Woman 1: "Uh, I think she doesn't like you."
They laugh and even I chuckle. She's right...right?
Me: "Normally I'd agree, but I get a sense of fear as opposed to disinterest or whatever."
Me: "Who am I kidding. You're right."
I wave to the bartender. He gets it, pours me a shot. I look at it and immediately don't want it. Where's the wine at?
Woman 2: "Not necessarily. Some women don't know how to hit on other women or men. Or, when they get hit on it's, like, hard for them to react."
We say nothing, feeling like it's awkward but not knowing why.
Woman 2: "Okay, so I may be talking about me. Damn, what am I supposed to do when I like someone? I just don't get how to act or what to say. Things aren't that easy for some folks ya know."
I down my shot. If most women think like her, I'm doomed.
Woman 1: "You're supposed to ask her out. Duh. That's what I do even though they say no or don't show up. Lame asses."
Me: "I don't like having to chase or being chased. There should be a balance and it has to be easy. There is a difference between playful flirting and flat out games."
Woman 1: "Amen to that sistah."
Me: "Don't call me that."
I smile at her and we laugh. Hard.
Woman 2:"I don't see it as games. I see it, needing to be ready and not pressured. I'll just back away more if I feel like there's a ticking time bomb."
Woman 1: "Maybe you need therapy?"
Who doesn't?
Me: "Look. I understand that it ain't easy to put yourself out there, but it's possible. So, I find it hard to swallow to say you can't suck it up and talk to a woman or man you're interested in."
Woman 2: "Have you ever had a panic attack?"
Me/Woman 1: "No."
Woman 2: "Well, it kinda feels like that for me. I have to be ready in my own time to show I'm ready to go out. That may include rejection or even pushing away, but that's how I am. I just have to be ready to say yes."
Me: "Wow."
Woman 1: "Get me a double shot and Dr. Laura, please!"
As she waves over to the bartender, I sit there with my thoughts. For once, I'm left speechless. What if she's right?
Time. Some of us need that while others will stay the same. Yes, in most cases, if a woman likes you she will show it. Exceptions --

-You're her best friend's ex girlfriend (unless she's a backstabbing ho).
-She's reaaally, reaaaally shy.
-There's someone else in the picture called a husband and three kids.
-Her best friend likes you (unless she's a backstabbing ho)
-Just got out of a relationship and isn't ready to move on

And, those are just a few examples. Whatever the case may be, let it be. Don't assume but don't be naive either. If the signs are there that she's interested but she ain't makin' a move, allow her to come to you. But, if homegurl is rejecting your ass and not responding, than move on.

Some of us need a lot of alone time.
But, let's get real. If a woman has anxiety or keeps running away, maybe that's a red flag that she's going through some inner turmoil, and therefore you should keep it moving. It's okay to go slow/not pressure, but we must take notice of the signs in front of us.
She may be rockin' the Chain of Pain, but you don't have to as well.

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