We are sitting close to the moon. Or, so it seems.
You know how this goes...
I sit at a bar with a glass of wine in my hands. Merlot. Alone. Thinking. In the corner of my eye I see a WOMAN walk in my direction. She sits down, inches from my leg. I look up.
She smiles a sweet smile.
I smile back.
Me: "Close. Merlot."
I can tell she's dope. Like, talk-to-for-hours dope.
Woman: "Sarcastic. Knew I'd like you."
Me: "I try. So, what's your deal? Why are you all alone?"
Woman: "Wow. You cut right to the point. Intense."
I sigh, but say nothing. She laughs.
Woman: "Oh, hold up. I know that look. You want to say something. Go ahead. Don't get all quiet now."
I like her...and the way she talks. So open. Or, maybe it's just her energy. Can I drink that?
Me: "Be real --if I wasn't assertive or vocal, you'd probably walk all over me."
Woman: "That's not true at all. I'd totally listen to you."
Part of me wants to say nothing and just stick to my wine. Screw that.
Me: "Oh, come on. If we were sitting down with a large group of peeps having a heated discussion and I stayed quiet, I don't think you'd come over and ask, "what's your opinion?"
Woman: "Well, that's just boring. Of course I wouldn't."
I love being right. Yet, I don't really care. Not at this moment. I take a sip of wine. Will need a refill soon.
Woman: "But, we're talking about being intense."
Me: "That's your choice of words though. Everyone has a different definition. What is intense to me may be sexy to you."
We smile at each other. Again. I feel like I know her from somewhere. Maybe yesteryear or in my last lifetime.
Woman: "Aight, I'll give you that. But, maybe next time when a woman comes and sits down by your side...
She leans in closer. Smells like marsh mellows and honey.
Woman: "...you can ask for her name."
I sit there, wondering if she's going to leave or stay. But, I already know the answer.
Me: "Hello. I'm Lauren."
I hold out my hand in the soft maroon light beaming down on us. She takes it. Slowly.
Woman: "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Helen and I'd like to buy you a drink."
I'm down for that.
Me: "If you thought I was intense before, just wait."
Woman: "Oh, please. You're all heart on the inside. I can tell."
I exhale, loving that she understands part of me at least. Regardless of whether or not she's gay or straight, she's lovely. Strangers can make the strongest connections, even if it only lasts for a few hours over wine.
Me: "Sure, Helen, you can buy me a drink."
Woman: "Thank you. I don't bite."
In my head, I laugh. They all bite...right? Or, maybe not.
Me: "Good 'cause I bruise easy."
Woman: "Join the club."
We laugh, knowing tonight's conversation is going to be one to remember. Or to forget as the years go by and I never see her again. But, for this moment and for this night, we will be lovers. And, we will know each other's names'.
I feel like we are all self-protective in some way. A few of us only have one night stands to avoid a relationship so that we can get hurt. Others treat people like crap to push 'em away and not deal with anything deep. And mucho individuals, like me (at times), have a tendency to be too assertive or 'intense,' kind of like a brick wall that no one has the chance to break through...unless the person happens to have a hardcore bulldozer.
Ha and sigh and ha and sigh.
Because, truly, it's ironic and heartbreaking all at once. The fears that we carry in and through us. We'll say we're romantics and believers in love. At first sight, or at online sight, but then push away with the flicker of an eye lash. A shrug of the shoulder.
I get it. A lot is at stake. Like, our heart.
So, what do we do? Do we say, "fuck it" and let all of ours guards down without thinking twice? I'd say yes and no. There has to be a balance. We gotta live in the moment while not giving away too much all at once. Kind of like a buffet. If you eat too much too fast, you'll explode. But, if you eat slowly, you'll not only have a greater appreciation for the food but also enjoy it much, much more.
No one is perfect. Damn, I know I ain't. And, I know it's hard not to take past experiences and implant them into the Now. But, in order to have a healthy and long lasting relationship, we must figure out a way to throw out the trash so the house doesn't start stinking up.
Time to go eat...