Friday, May 22, 2009

Insecurities - We All Have 'Em!

"I hate my toes."
"My body sucks."
"I wish I had lighter skin."
"I hate my hair."
"I wish I looked more like a penguin."

These are all insecurities we've heard at least once from someone in our lifetime. Black, white, green, or yellow -- we can all identify with wanting to change something about ourselves. But, most of these things are in our own head and don't really impact us in a major way.

Question: What about the insecurities and concerns that develop after a traumatic incident, like fearing abandonment after a lover leaves you one random night. If a person is still deeply emotional about it, would you move on and not date him or her?

This is James Buchanan, an anal cancer survivor.

(photo found on

He's now a single dad looking for love, but is finding it hard to date since having to deal with many physical limitations and surprises. For example, major nerve damage and uncontrollable gas, which can take a woman by surprise on a first date...or any date at all. For real. And, I'm sure he has other things that weigh on him, such as a fear of another malignant hemorrhoid.
But, nothing's wrong with sharing opinions.

We all have hard thing either as an adult or a child, we've gone through. It can range from rape to being called names by a bully for years. Or, even, sadly, getting cancer. But, it always comes down to us as individuals. Some peeps may not be able to deal with a traumatic experience and leave it on the shelf for our lifetime. Others may work on it everyday, whether through therapy, writing.

It all comes down to what works for you.

In terms of dating, though, these things can be a challenge. A person can still be hurting, emotionally and physically, from something they've experienced in the past. And, that's okay. If someone really cares about you, they'll be by your side no matter what.

Now, I'm not saying if you're on a first date with a person who has one leg and ya like 'em that you have to stay in the mix, because, to be real, some folks can't deal with that. But, if you can deal with whatever struggle it is plus you like 'em mucho, keep riding on that train. You never know where ya might end up. . .

Maybe home.

Check out James' article here

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