As a maturing woman in her 20s, I am beginning to appreciate the people I love more and more. Specifically, my family. Life is so short that I would hate to look back and think, "I wish I would have been closer to my brothers, or my father."
Regrets ain't so cool.
When I'm old and grey, I want to be able to chill on my porch all day with a smile, knowing that I lived and loved. Hard. And, that everyone knew how much I cared.
That's why it breaks my heart to watch shows like Intervention where relationships have been destroyed due to an addiction to drugs, pills, etc. You see a childhood that was lost. A gap in the Soul of these peeps that may never be filled.
There was this man on a recent episode. With dark-rimmed glasses and a stone face caused by years of neglect from not having a father at home. Who is his daddy? Rocky Lockridge, a once famous boxer but now broke and homeless bum living in filth on the streets. He's also addicted to crack and has no other passion in life except to get more.
That's why he's the main event on this week's episode of Intervention. And, that's why he doesn't know any of his sons; he left them when they were small boys. For most of their life, they grew up thinking he was dead, not living in another state doing his own thang...which he was.
So, you can imagine, when this stone faced man finally sat in a room with his father during the intervention stage, there was moment when his voice cracked. A moment when his Being let out a sigh after years of silent tears and wishful moments of a father that never was around.
Until finally, the words started pouring out --
"People tell me that you're the champ. The champ of what?"
"You've left me looking over my shoulder at every black man that walks past me, hoping that it was you."
(photo found here)
"I've waited over fifteen years for this moment!" He yelled, tears running down his face. "Do you hear me?"
"Sure son. Ain't nothing slow 'bout your daddy 'cept the way he moves," Rocky replied with a sad look in his eyes.
"I have no faith in you."
"You've caused me to hate you with a passion so deep it runs through my veins like the blood that flows through yours! And still I am here because I know that somewhere, deep down in my heart, I still love you."
Rocky, unable to keep his composure, let out a loud cry that lasted over five seconds. It felt and sounded like a terrible, deep pain that lives in him.
This is the moment where I broke down. A family ravaged by an absent father. Torn apart by the man they needed to see everyday. An old boxer who couldn't live down his past, or the shame of losing his success as a boxer. It's sad. It's f-cked up. It's messy. It's full of tears.
When his son says, "Please change my faith in my father," you hope that he will. For his family, for himself, and for their future.
We all deserve to sit on that porch.
wow...I missed that one. I can totally understand though.I often think of the day when i will have to go to my fathers funeral. A man I know but also a man who has not been the daddy..that he should have been. I wonder if I will cry or stand there stone faced looking at a man who is my father but, whom I do not know. I think that children who are born to these men either grow up to be the exact opposite ( responsible to the extreme) or just like their father ( absent)...its really sad and the feeling do burn in you...forgiveness is hard in this circumstance. I am still praying for the grace to be able to forgive.
Thanks so much, Anonymous, for sharing. Forgiveness is tough. I feel you on that for sure. Time will tell with you and your father. Good luck and keep the words comin' = ) They're much appreciated!
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