Monday, August 3, 2009

Moments With A Stranger.


The wind is blowing in my hair as my new Friend sits next to me. The sun is shining, like us. In between our words is a plate of purple grapes and red wine.

We are strangers who know each other well.

She's leaving for Sweden in a few hours and wants to end her time with me. You know how this goes. I sigh --

Friend: "I don't know what I'm looking for, but it's not men...not anymore."
I grab a grape and pop it in my mouth. Her accent sounds like soft music that I can sleep to every night.
Me: "Have you been with a woman before?"
Friend: "Well, not really. I mean, I've kissed a few. You being one of them."
She smiles. I blush.
Me: "I would have never guessed."
Friend: "I feel like, with men, there is nothing there for me. I want more. I'm always left wanting more. This man I was once with tries to be with me all of the time, but I don't want him."
Me: "I hear you. I think it's great that you're discovering that now. It's never too late."
Friend: "I hope it isn't. I used to be so depressed over it. I didn't know what to do, but now I feel a little bit like myself."
I feel like I know her from somewhere. Maybe not. She's so pure.
Me: "That's great. I used to have a hard time accepting women who are bisexual or inexperienced with other women. Now I realize that we're all people and labels/judgements don't do us any good."
Friend: "People have no right to be mean to me for who I am. I hate that. Who cares if I want to be with a man or a woman?"
Me: "I know, it's not fair. I strive to be a person who one day has no judgments."
She stops for a moment and looks at me with her wine glass in hand.
Friend: "You're so open and sincere. I don't even notice your age. It's do you say it in English..."
Me: "Nice?
Friend: "No."
Me: "Cool?"
Friend: "No."
I look at her, not knowing what she means.
Friend: "Sexy."
I blush. She smiles, takes a sip of her wine. I eat a grape and enjoy the silence as we sit on the old bench in front of a grave with flowers and sunglasses on top of it. Even the dead in Hollywood has to look fabulous.
Friend: "I like this...spending my last day at a famous cemetery. It reminds me of Paris."
Paris. Love. Nice.
Me: "Is Paris romantic?"
Friend: "Very."
I start to think to myself, what if I was her first girl-on-girl experience? Naw, this isn't about anything physical. We're together in these brief hours for a different purpose...maybe to hold her, but with my words and compassion. Yes...perhaps she needs this. Maybe I do, too.
Friend: "Look at me."
I glance over at her and she now has her cell phone pointed at me. Should I smile?
Me: "I'm shy."
Friend: "Oh, come on. Just smile. That's all you have to do."
And of course, I obey. Click, click. A memory she'll have of me forever...maybe. Perhaps to keep her company on a train or when she randomly thinks about that time in Los Angeles when she hung out with a woman they call Lauren who told her it's okay to be whomever she wants.
Me: "Are you ready to go?"
Friend: ""
I expected my heart to sigh, but it didn't. Instead, I felt it smile.

Sometimes it's so refreshing to spend time with another person and And, to not feel judged.

Who knows what purpose she is supposed to serve in my life, but I still feel invigorated by her presence. She made me realize there are many women and people out there who can be loving, kind, honest, and compassionate all of the time. Yes, I know they're out there but sometimes we have our moments where we feel like the grass ain't ever going to get greener.

Thank you, Sweden. Thank you.

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