Chasing Pavements.

Some of us

protect ourselves because it hurts too much to let go.

Or, maybe because it’s scary to let someone see what’s deep down inside, past the blood and the guts and the tears.

Like a prison, almost. Except it’s our own.

Don’t come too close or you’ll bite...right?

Or, perhaps, you’ll get bitten.

But, let’s get real --

Sigh

Screw it, what do I know? I got my guard up, too. And frankly, I’m one heartbreak away from lockin’ up shop permanently. I know there are many of you out there smiling in agreement, two seconds away from callin’ it quits on love. At least you wouldn’t have to shave your legs as often, among other thangs.

I identify with wanting to give up, with not understanding what it was all worth after putting in all those sleepless nights and endless fights. I see you --

The jaded hearts.

The mangled limbs.

The life still waiting to come back into the Soul that fell to the ground when she left.

I feel you.

Yet, just as we almost finish building those steel doors and cement walls around our heart, another PYT comes walkin’ around the corner.

Then:

We, you, and I fall even harder as we chase her pavement.

(photo found here)

Copyright © Lauren Hamilton April 2010

Love My O.

Dear Lord, Oprah. I love you more and more as the days go by.

(photo found here)

You are the realest thing on television.

It's obvious that Oprah is going out with a bang and on her usual mission of touching people through the TV screen.

She won't be here much longer, folks. Tune in and enjoy...or, just purchase a subscription to her network -- OWN.

Today she had on a woman who lost 175 pounds and then gained it all back. My heart broke for her, but then it was put back together as she explained that her husband stuck by her side and supported her the entire way.

:Sigh:

Unconditional love. The kind of thang where you'll be by your partner's side no matter what happens. It's something that I admire in people. And, also something I haven't experienced

before on a romantic level.

Truly feeling like I can be myself and not feel judged. Not feel like the person is going to run off when I have a moment of vulnerability. But, perhaps, that's my own issue. Okay, it totally is my issue!

Howeva, as a single woman, that's what I'm looking for: unconditional love, which starts with me. Knowing that I deserve that shiznit. Believing it. Feeling it.

I think that's the key to dating. Taking yourself out for a while, again and again until it starts to feel good. Buying yourself a gift or two until you start to get used to it. And then, forgiving yourself when you make mistakes. Like --

When a relationship doesn't work out

You have to ask your pops for rent money

That job interview didn't go the way you had hoped

Perhaps it's when we say it's okay that there's a shift. When we breathe and embrace who we are deep down, even the darkest part of ourselves. Knowing that it's part of being human and part of what makes us the amazing person that we are.

. . . Maybe.

Late Night Thoughts.

Love is hard. Don't get me wrong. It's good one day, and then it's bad the next.

But,

You can't give up. We can't give up. For every broken, failed relationship we grow. And grow, and grow.

To all of you who are jaded, unsure about if you'll ever find love again, and/or mending a disappointed heart:

Keep Da Goddamn Faith.

Life - Knowing When To Fight.

Two elderly sisters haven't spoken in over 5 years because of a $500,000 jackpot.

$$$$ + sisters + stubbornness = law suit

Rose Bakaysa, 87, and Theresa Sokaitis, 84, stopped talking after Rose won the lottery with her winning numbers. When Sokaitis found out about her sister's winnings, she told Rose that she deserved half of it. Apparently Rose told Theresa that she wouldn't see a dime and, after a huge fight in 2004, the two ladies parted ways.

Look,

I get it. Money is a beautiful thang. It can give you total freedom and comfort. It can buy you things and take you places you never imagined. But, it should never come between family...right?

And, if it does, at least fight over a larger amount of money, like $100 million. It's kind of embarrassing to cut anyone out of your life for such a small amount of dough...unless you have nothing to lose.

Perhaps Rose doesn't care about her sister enough to want a relationship. Maybe she's over trying and simply wants to live for herself. It's not nice, but it's okay if that's what she wants.

Young or old, we all go through challenges in life. We all fight -- winning and sometimes losing.

Only you know what battles are worth fighting for.

I'll Take the Cheater For $9 Million.

In North Carolina you can sue someone for cheating with your husband or wife, and that's just what Cynthia Shackelford did to her hubby's mistress -- Anne Lindquist -- for 9 million big ones.

Sniz-zaaap.

I definitely like this story, but...is it really Anne's fault? I mean, her husband is the one who flirted and, um, had sex with her. He had to be open to the idea of cheating for the woman to approach him. For example,

I was at an event last night where I was able to meet the Lakers team. Some of those men are married, like Kobe, Lamar, Odom, Fisher, and Farmar which you definitely notice by their body language and eye contact. They didn't talk to one woman unless she was old, married, or not hot. They aren't looking to ruin their marriage by chattin' it up with a pretty young thang.

It's obvious in their energy, body language, and actions that they aren't looking for a fling or part-time lover.

In most cases, when there isn't room for an opening, cheating doesn't go down. I think Cynthia's husband wasn't happy in their 33 year marriage, which is why he walked out on her. He made a choice to cheat and disrespect his family in that way, not his mistress. Too bad you can't sue his ass.

What do you think?

For All The Sandra B's In Da House.

It's true, Jesse James cheated on Sandra Bullock, the academy award winning actress, with a young woman who E-mailed him about being a tattoo model for his company.

(photo found here)

Is there really anything to say? It's disgusting and sad...and messy. I heard about this and I almost wanted to cry for her.

It wasn't like Tiger. When I found out about him, it was surprising and funny. More funny than anything else. The golf club. All of the gross woman he slept with. His bruised eye. The texts. I mean, heck, peeps debated all over the country about it, and got a good chuckle, too. I even bet some marriages were saved. "Hey, we don't have it as bad as Tiger and his wife...let's go to Paris instead of filing for a divorce."


But, what happened to Sandra isn't humorous in any way. Why? Because she's a nice woman who never let go, emotionally, to anyone until she met Jesse. She's never been in a huge scandal or hit someone in the face. Her track record is flawless. Sigh. Can you imagine what kind of damage this is going to have on her heart...her self-esteem...her Soul?


I'm angry. I feel like a protective younger sister, which is way strange for me since I don't even know this woman, but still...I feel for her. She was so genuinely happy with him. Anyone could see this, even from her most recent interviews after the Oscars with Oprah and Barbara Walters. Recently, with Ms.Walters, Sandra said a few words about being with Jesse:


"I finally feel like I have a home to come to."


Yup, a home that a tornado just rolled through and tore into pieces. And, it wasn't like she saw this thang coming. The sky went from bright ass blue to dark grey in a split second, and bam! It dropped from the sky, sucking up Sandra's heart and her Oscar high.


What can you say other than nothing? As her friend, what do you do except hold her and be compassionate?

How do we pick up the pieces after such hurt and heartache and start over again without carrying that into another relationship?

I don't have the answer because I really don't know and I'm trying to figure that out as well. But, I do think it depends on the individual. My hope is that, after healing from this, Sandra will open up to love again and attract a man who will have enough respect not to do this. I understand that she followed her heart and didn't disqualify Jesse from the man pool for having a different lifestyle. It was an inspiration to me that she was so open-minded, loving, and non judgemental. But, it's time to move on to bigger and better men in the future. Ya know, like ones who won't cheat for almost a year while their wife is making money for the family and trying to help you gain custody of your child.


Life's all about livin' and learnin' -- sometimes one heartbreak at a time.

Anyway, keep your head up, S. You'll be just fine.

The Marriage Ref.

Okay, no lie, this show is FUNNY.

Executive Produced by Jerry Seinfeld. Yeah, he's never on it, but that's a good thang!

It's entertaining, light-hearted, and interested. It doesn't delve deep or analyze relationships on an emotional level, but who really wants to watch that anyway?


Check
it
out.

Thursdays. Martha and Cedric the Entertainer are going to be on next week. Can't wait!