Sunday, December 6, 2009

Late Night Conversation.

You know how this goes...

I sigh.

Champagne. No cherry. I have a hoody on and it feels nice. Next to me sits a good Friend.

We're talking about love and hurt and assholes.

Me: "So, did your girlfriend have a good time during her visit?"
My Friend pauses, not taking her eyes off the glass of merlot in front of her.
Friend: "Umm...we had a terrible fight. She left after a few days. I bought her a ticket and now she's back in Italy."
Huh? I glance at my champagne glass, distracted by the popping bubbles. Are they surprised, too?
Me: "Wow. What the hell happened?"
Friend: "I'm...I don't know. I miss her when she's gone and can't stand it when she's here. We just fight all of the time. This girl gave me a hug at a bar and she went crazy. We yelled and screamed until she finally told me she wants to go back to Italy."
Me: "So, you're going to move back there, right?"
Me: "...hello?"
Friend: "I don't know. I mean, maybe. I want to give it time. We've been together four years. I'm in love with her but want to think right now."
Me: "If you're in love with her, wouldn't you be there?"
Friend: "I guess you're right. I should be there if I truly love her in that way, but I like my life here."
Me: "Well, do you think you're in love with her?"
Friend: "Yes. I mean, she annoys me. I just ignore her when she's mad now and she hates it. I went surfing alone and left her at the house when she was here."
Friend: "I don't know if this makes sense, but I know it won't matter. How I treat her. She'll still be there."
Me: "Like, you know you can get away with whatever?"
Friend: "As bad as it sounds, yes. She'll come back."
Me: "So, that's why you're mean to her?"
Friend: "Yes, and her crazy possessive behavior makes me act that way."
Me: "Oh, come on now. You can't blame that on her. You're in control of your actions, not her."
Friend: "I know. I'm an asshole. I can't help it. I try to change."
I sit there, quiet. What is there to say?
Me: "Maybe you just need some space, emotionally, for a while to see where your heart will end up."
Friend: "I don't know what I need."
I take a sip of my lovely champange, letting the music and conversation take over our attention. Sometimes words just ain't needed.

This is a tough one to swallow. I find myself not able or wanting to get on her case for being rude to her girlfriend. Sometimes we can't explain the things that we do, and I get that. I've been there. But, ultimately, what makes me sympathize with her is the fact that she seems so stuck. Not knowing whether to break up or continue a relationship that has no great destination. I gotta say, though, that it's hard not to get on her ass since she's been with this woman for so many years and doesn't seem to be in love anymore.

But hey, what do I know? Perhaps they are madly in love and just going through a frustrated point in their lives. Maybe they both need to be living in Italy in order to have a fair shot together.

Sigh. Screw that. If it's meant to be, it'll be. No matter the distance, time, or issue. Being in love is being in love. Just like being out of love is, well...

being out of love.

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