Relocating and Love and Fear.

You know how this goes...

INT. RESTAURANT - DAY
I sit down alone, consumed by my thoughts and cold coffee. A window is at my back and the sunshine is warm on my face.

My head shoots up, distracted by the sound of heat hot footsteps.

They belong to my Friend, who is rushing toward me. I can tell that she's mad about something. What that something is...I'm sure she'll tell me.

Friend: "He's married. F*uck."
The disappointments of potential love. Been there.
Me: "'Oh no. I'm sorry, gurl. Wasn't meant to be I guess."
She sighs, sits next to me. I hope she can feel the sun on her back, too.
Friend: "Thanks, it's okay. He's probably a crazy, broke ass drunk anyway. I seem to always attract those types."
I remain silent but supportive in my gaze. We all deal with rejection in different ways.
Me: "Come on, he's a stranger in a restaurant who you'll never see again."
She turns her head toward me, the sun causing her small frame to glow. If there was such thing as a sun shower, surely this would be it.
Friend: "What if I do? It's not impossible. I could walk around a corner tomorrow or next year and run into him."
She's having a moment. Been there.
Me: "Well, hopefully he'll be divorced and then you can give it a go."
She turns away, consumed by the carpet below her feet. Yeah, she's not listening to me anymore.
Friend: "...he did say he has a brother who lives in Arizona."
My eyebrow perks up. This sounds promising. Perhaps a fling can go down?
Me: "Cool, did you get his information?"
Friend: "No, there's no point. I'd have to relocate to see him and I don't want to do that. I want someone who lives close to me."
Hold up.
Me: "So, you're going to let a few hundred miles keep you from meeting this guy?"
Without hesitation, she looks up and says --
Friend: "Yeah."
And I thought my coffee was cold...

Why is it that we're so focused on relocating when we don't even know how to locate...

our feelings

our needs

...ourselves.

Easier said than done, I get it. But hey, what about the idea of going from A to B instead of A to Z to OMFG?

What makes many of us turn away something that can change our lives because of a six or a ten or a twenty hour drive? Hell, give me a donkey. I'll use it if it's the only thing that'll get me to the person I'm diggin'. I've never been great with horses but you better believe I'll figure it out. A kangaroo...sure, I'll squeeze in the pouch.

There are so many inconveniences happening each day, each moment, that keep people apart.

"I would go out with you, but I have work in the morning."

"You got kids? Uh, yeah, I don't do kids."

"A few months until we can have sex? I don't know about all that."

We are so busy tearing each other down instead of lifting each other up. Subconsciously saying, "you ain't good enough" when there's nothing better but YOU. Seriously, peeps.

There's nothing better than YOU.

Someone recently told me --

"When we treat ourselves like we're $10, then we'll attract people who treat us like we're $10."

Arizona isn't far, and no place truly is when we really break it down. My Friend's rejection of a complete stranger is simply a reflection of how she feels about herself -- I'm not worth the distance or the time to be loved. It's a tough thing to see in her...this fear. But, it is in us all. How can it not be?

I wonder what it would be like if we treated ourselves and each other like precious gifts?

Like diamonds, like a Picasso painting...like $5 billion dollars?

Maybe then we'd realize that there are planes.

Perhaps we'd realize that work will always be there and taking one night to spend quality time with a special individual is completely worth it.

...that kids are precious and it's a pleasure to be around them.

Then, maybe then

we'll start the engine and take a long, long drive as we realize --

we're gold.

Let's Try This Again, Match.com

So, I joined Match.com

Again.

And ya know what, I'm feeling good about it this time. Like I may actually find love.

But, if I'm being real with myself, I don't know if I really want that at this point in my life. I'm also twenty-five years old and it's becoming less and less appealing.

Over the past month or so I've met a lot of couples. Sure, they seem sorta happy, but will it last? My words don't sound supportive, but this is honestly what runs past my mind.

How can two people in their twenties maintain a lifelong relationship?

I don't know the answer, but perhaps it's not about the future or knowing what's going to happen. Maybe it's about living in the moment and not thinking about anything else.

Or,

Maybe they're actually in love.

Fires and Fireplaces.

Life has a funny way of happening.

Last month, I woke up to screams and smoke...lots of smoke.

(photo found here)

There was a fire right below my apartment and the first thing I did when I saw smoke was run out the door as fast as I could.

"Oh my God, my brand new television."

This was the first thing I said to my roommate who looked at me with an incredulous look and said:

"Your life is worth more, Lauren."

And, to be honest, I remember thinking to myself -- "No, it isn't." I couldn't get my mind off the $4,000 electronic device I owned, even as I stood half naked outside my apartment building obsessing over it.

Now, I sit in the living room of my beautiful new apartment in West Hollywood in front of a lovely fireplace...with a different kind of fire. Television undamaged, happiness increased, a weight lifted off my shoulders.

"Lauren, you seem more comfortable in your skin and happier since the move" my stepmother told me over breakfast.

I smiled at her, not even noticing the change until that moment.

Perhaps a fire is just what I needed.

It's Tricky When You're Old. . .

For those of you who don't know my dad, this is him -- also known as Da Man.

It has been fun writing a book about dating with him and we've grown even closer.

Can't wait to see what the future holds! And for those of you who need some dating advice, feel free to ask this daughter-father duo.

Father and Daughter Know Best.

Dating ain'teasy, we all know that. But, with a positive attitude and a solid game plan...you can achieve anything.

Oh, and you have to get real.

Some questions to ask yourself...

Do I think of my dog as my "going out" buddy?

When my friends invite me to a movie do I ask, "what time you comin' over?"

Are my legs hairier than Chewbacca's?

We've all had our rough phases. And if you haven't, then all the power to ya. For all of ya'll down on your luck and wondering when love is going to come, wait it out. And, in the meantime,

shave your legs.

Exerpt from our (me and my father) book, It's Hard When You're Young, It's Tricky When You're Old: Gettin' Real About Dating.

"I'm Broke"

Money.

We all like it...or, at least the things it can give us.

I know I sure do. Since I've been working two jobs, I seem to have quite a bit of if. Actually, so do most of the people I work with as well. Yet, I always hear:

"I'm broke."

Hmmm...

It makes me wonder how many of us, no matter how much $$ we have, end up short each and every month. Wanting and asking for more money whether it be from G-O-D or your momma.

(photo found here)

Let's be frank. Some peeps just don't know how to save for a rainy day, or any day at all. Damn, it is a lot easier said than done when you're looking at a gorgeous flat screen television, or an Ipad.

It's almost like these things are just screaming, "Buy me!"

I get it, I do. But hey, we gotta be smart. It's all about balance. You can have that television and still save money. How? Here are some ideas --

1) Instead of calling your homegurl to go eat at Cheesecake Factory three times a week, cut it down to twice a month. You'll adjust over time. Also, replace eating out with your Boo by cooking dinners at home. Last month I went out to eat over 10 times, which cost me over $250 dollars. Yeah, we all have hiccups. It's about how you recover that matters. Doing this every now 'n then is okay.

2) Take the train instead of your car. I usually spend $150 a month in gas on average. When I take the bus for the majority of the month, I save over half of that amount. Hey, multiply what I save ($75) by 12 and that equals $900...enough for a flat screen television.

3) Get a Sugamomma or Sugadaddy.

4) Open up a Checking account. If you haven't, consider doing it. This is a great way to see your transactions and track the way you spend $. I look at my statements at least 3 times a week to make sure I am on top of things.

5) Put an end to buying unnecessary items. You know you don't need that $20 T-Shirt with the words, "Oprah, don't go." And Lady GaGa will be around next year so you can hold off on buying those $500 tickets to her concert. Don't even go near Ikea. Those multi-colored desk lamps and triangular picture frames will always be there.

6) Pay off and cancel your credit cards until you only have 1. And don't allow it to go over $100 dollars.

Hope this helps. Being broke ain't fun. But, if you are smart about your spending habits then you won't ever have this problem.

Well, that is, if you don't lose your j-o-b.

Jobs and Interviewing and Fear.

(photo found here)

Jobs are hard to come by lately, but they are out there. I recently helped two of my friends by rewriting their resume in the hopes of landing them that beautiful and scary thang --

The Interview

Ugh. I know it's tough, but get over it and prepare yourself. It wasn't until I started practicing my job interviewing skills that I actually saw a huge improvement, and received a job offer. Here are a few tips, peeps --

1) Go to a local bookstore and run straight to the "Careers" or "Jobs" section and grab a few books on those respective subject matters. Buy one or two and then make yourself practice two exercises from each book a day, such as following up with networking contacts or calling companies to see if they are hiring. If you can't afford to buy the books, then just read a chapter a day and write excellent notes.

2) Practice with friends and family. But, uh, don't practice with your Boo. Ya'll know each other too well.

3) Research the heck out of the company you're trying to join. Know it like the back of your hand. I've screwed up on this before and looked like a total idiot when I didn't know the answer to an easy question about a company I failed to learn about. Ya live and you learn!

4) Dress well. Look, interviews are not for jeans and T-shirts. I don't care if you're applying to be a janitor at Burger King. Put on some slacks and a nice, ironed top. No exceptions. I've seen individuals called out for not dressing the part. Plus, you feel more confident when you look/feel good. If you can't afford to buy clothes, try a thrift store.

5) Practice in front of a mirror. This allows you to pick up on your body language and anything you do that isn't so hot, like twitch or blink too often.

6) Always start off by handing that person your resume. He or she may be looking for you to do this, or simply didn't bring it. This always makes you look good. Also, it's always great if it's wrinkle free and on a white sheet of paper. Common sense to most, but not to all.

7) Know your place. Don't pretend to be a Know-It-All. Answer any and all questions. Say what you need to say to present yourself as the best for that position and that's it.

Interviewing is hard, but it's totally fun once you get the hang of it. If you're straight out of college or a young person looking for your first job, follow the above tips and you'll be golden.