Song of the Week.

Who doesn't love music?

For me, it takes my mind off of bills, career, dating, and other aspects of life.

I let go and go on a ride of pure bliss and dopeness.

(photo found on http://snicka.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/jazmine-sullivan.jpg)

Jazmine Sullivan.

If you don't know her, consider checkin' her out.

Lyrics: "I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears/but I'm scared of loving you/I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair/but I'm scared of loving you/Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?/Why it don't last, is that too much to ask?/Why do we love love when love seems to hate us?/Sorry if I sound so filled with gloom/you say you care and I know you do/But, this is from my experience/and my conclusion only makes sense/Just 'cause I love you and you love me/it doesn't mean that we're meant to be/I can climb mountains, swim across seas/but the most frightening thing is you and me."

Her lyrics touch me, deep. Real deep. For some, she may not do it, but for me she does. I feel like I'm under a microscope being inspected by everyone who passes by when I listen to her. I feel naked. I feel like some one's been reading my skin. But, the skin I haven't read yet.

I think Jazmine's lyrics speak a massive amount of truth:

"I'm scared to try 'cause I'm scared to fail/I'm scared to die, 'cause I'm scared of hell/I'm scared to kiss, I'm scared to hug/I'm scared of sex, 'cause I'm scared to touch/I'm scared to look, 'cause I'm scared to see/I'm scared or you 'cause I'm scared of me/I'm scared to fly, I'm scared to crash/I'm scared to move on so I live in the past/I'm scared to fight 'cause I'm scared to bleed/I'm scared to love 'cause I'm scared he'll leave...you ain't human without fear."

What music touches you?

What's Your Dream?

Adam Lambert is fierce. He's talented and also happens to be gay.

As a young gay woman, he inspires me. This guy is going for his dream in life and I can't help but wonder --

What's my dream?

(Photo found on http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/a-line/american-idol-style/150)

Most of us were told how to achieve success --

1) Go to school
2) Work hard
3) Stay out of trouble
4) Get a job

But, who tells you how to dream and dream big? How do you know how to be strong and to keep going when someone says no to your face?

Adam proves that it's never too late, no matter what age you are. Yeah, it's not like he's 90 years old, but still. The guy has been through a lot and told he wasn't good enough.

How many times has someone told you that you weren't good enough?

We've all been there, right? To you, me, and everyone in between I say don't give up. Keep that dream alive and hold tight no matter what anyone says to you.

What's your dream?

A Conversation - Dating and Scones and Hearts.

Question: Is it fair to say you won't date a woman because she doesn't believe in therapy?

I guess it comes down to the two peeps involved.

To be real, we all have deal breakers as far as dating goes, like --

Small Deal Breakers

1)Smellin' bad.

2)Missin' teeth.
3)Bad kisser.

Big Deal Breakers

1)They have a terrible addiction, to alcohol or maybe even with stealing things.
2)Can't trust you, not even to take out the trash: "what took you so long to take out some damn eggs?!"
3)They have huge anger issues and believe yelling is a part of arguing.
4)...the kissin' ain't getting any better.

We all have our thangz. Some we can deal with and some we can't. Perhaps, like me, some of you rule out peeps very fast. One of my good New York friends brought this up to me oen day:

Friend: "Lauren honey, that's not fair. You're moving too fast baby girl to stop dating her. You have to go slow. Get to know the woman over time."
I sip on my Pepsi One as I listen to my friend's words flying at me, all the way from where she sits in New York. Yeah, homegirl may be thirty years older than me, but I still disagree...and secretly wish I had a chocolate scone with my beverage.
Me: "Look, when a woman tells me she likes to yell and that she's not willing to go to therapy ever, why should I waste her or my time? We won't ever be able to work shit out if we need to."
Friend: "Because people change everyday. You have to give everyone a chance."
I look outside at the swaying palm trees underneath the blue sky. A feeling of sadness rushes over me like an ocean wave. I think of how she doesn't know of all chances I've given. To all of the women I've dated with the hopes of changing them. I sigh and take a big gulp of my soda. Maybe the Splenda will understand.
Me: "As my therapist would say -- you can't change people. There are over 6 billion folks in the world. Many of whom I'm sure don't like to fight."
Friend: "There's no guarantee of that."
Me: "Of what?"
Friend: "Of you meeting someone who fits your criteria and then having them not change. A person can go from nice to mean or non violent to violent. You can't predict life, sweetheart."
There it is. I think, is she right? My heart always does this. You know, turns romantic on me, wanting to be in the clouds all day. Wanting to believe you should go into any dating situation and be with an individual no matter what.
Me: "Well, at least if she changes on a sistah we can go into therapy."
My friend laughs. I laugh back, almost spilling the rest of my delicious one calorie drink all over myself. Silence as I continue looking out at the palm trees. I feel old for a second ...and overwhelmed by how much I miss my friend. Why can't New York be around the corner? Finally, my motherly amiga breaks the silence:
Friend: "Wish I had a chocolate scone."
Me: "Yeah...me, too."

I know we change all of the time. It's part of being human. I guess what's essential for me is to feel like the person I'm dating is open to anything. Yes, she may change after two or three years, but if we live by that standard than we'll either end up with losers or be too afraid to be with anyone.

Like a poker hand, all I can go with is what's in front of me. I may have a great hand, or I may not. It all depends on what I choose to do with it and if I want to take a risk. I may have three Queens, but they are useless if I decide to fold. I may have no good cards, but I could win the hand if I'm fearless.

Let's go all in.

Being Young and Making Mistakes.

Oprah is a smart woman. I think all peeps, young and not so young, should watch her every now 'n then.

On Friday's show, Oprah urged Rihanna to leave Chris Brown: "Heal yourself first...and remember that love doesn't hurt." She also advised the couple to go get counseling.

(photo found here)

I know we've discussed this before, but I feel like Rihanna should consider never talking to this guy again.

When a man puts his hands on a woman or vice versa, that's it. It's time to get the check and bounce. I don't care if you didn't finish your meal.

But, from what it sounds like, Rihanna more than finished her meal. She went back to the joint on multiple occasions. This is just the first we're hearing about it. I guess when the food's amazing, you can't help but keep going back.

To be real, I know love is hard and complicated. Sometimes you get yourself into really unhealthy situations without realizing it. I understand. But, when you are a role model to millions of young people you have to be smarter. There's a responsibility...right?

Letting this happen is basically telling women and little girls that it's okay for a man to hit you. It's telling young men you can disrespect a woman because she'll come back anyway. If I had a child who adored these stars, I would be infuriated with both of them. My heart would ache for my daughter or son. I would wonder where this country's headed. I would wonder if my child's self esteem could survive in this dog-eat-dog world where only a size 0 and a bruised face are appreciate.

Then I'd soften up and remember that Rihanna and Chris Brown, like me, are young peeps growing and maturing each day. And, with that comes making mistakes. I think the key is learning from 'em and not maintaining the same patterns, if they're negative, in our life.

Dating - Is it the City?

Friend: "So, Lauren, how do you like dating in Los Angeles?"

At first I thought to myself, "I hate it." But, then I wondered is the issue really Los Angeles or is this how it is everywhere? And then I realized that no matter where you are, dating has its positives and its negatives no matter what age you are.

Positives

Flirting is fun. And let's be honest, with dating comes mucho flirting.

It's a great distraction from work and any other issue that's going on in your life.
Get to see new places and do new things.
Everything is new and amazing since it's the first time you're experiencing it with that special somebody.

Negatives

Information is always a little selective. You may not find out until a few months in that they have kids or a husband.

Gotta watch out for games. Examples: one day they're texting you non stop and the next they aren't. Or, they say they like you yet you can't get 'em to pick up their phone.

Most like to rush. Yes, the U-Haul lesbian syndrome is very true.

It's hard to tell what you're getting until it's too late (emotionally).

I've only been in Los Angeles for a little over a month, but it doesn't matter. The same issues I have with dating here are the same ones I had in New York.

When I lived in New York a woman came up to me in a club. It was probably one in the morning. She was a beautiful, tall dancer. White. In her 30s. She sauntered over to me in her white shirt and blue jeans, smiled as she leaned in toward me: "Hey, do you want to come home with me?" I remember thinking my tongue felt really dry when she asked. I felt like I couldn't swallow water. What's a sistah to say? Don't answer that, 'cause I will. I said no, but that I was willing to get to know her better.

FLASH FORWARD

A week. We've gone on a date. She's pretty cool. We hang out again and it's a great night. I remember we went to a french cafe at 2am and she promised she'd give me a ride home. I didn't want to get on the subway that late at night.

Woman: "Want something to eat?"

I scream in my head, "yes!" but shake my head "no." I don't want all of the calories or the stomach ache at this time of the night. She licks her lips, looks me up and down. I think to myself, what's she trying to do?

Me: "What's your plan?"

Woman: "What do you mean?"

Me: "I mean, like...well, you're here with me at 2am. A 20 year old. What are you looking for?"

Woman: "I'm interested in you if that's what you want to know."

I look at her, letting the silence eat the room. Tick, tick goes the clock. We're the only ones in the joint, but it's open 24/7. She squirms in her jeans. A waitress stops at our table, asks if she wants anything.

Woman: "I'll take a bacon omelet."

The waitress leaves. I keep looking, waiting. A few seconds pass ...

Woman: "I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm going through a lot of fucked up shit at home and, I don't really know what I want."

Me: "What shiznit?"
Woman: "Me and my ex. I still live with her."

Me: "When are you moving out?"

Woman: "I don't know. We're in therapy."

I lean back in my seat, take her in. She looks different. I suddenly want that omelet. Is it too late to order? I wonder if all the deception will take away my faith in love. I wonder why I'm sitting in a cafe with a woman who probably won't even give me a ride home like she promised. I think of all of my heartache over the years. I think of love and how I know I'll never give up...maybe?

Me: "Welp, that's interesting. Why haven't you let that go?"

Woman: "I am. It's just complicated. I broke up with her emotionally like a year ago. You don't understand."

I understand perfectly fine, actually. You got shiznit to work through. Who doesn't? The omelet arrives. She dives into in like Michael Phelps does a swimming pool. Has this woman ever eaten before? I want nothing more than to be in my bed right now. At least my sheets don't lie.

Me: "What's there to not understand. You haven't let go...it happens."

Woman: "I know what I am. I know how I look to you, to her. There's nothing I can say. That's life. It's not easy."

Me: "I know it's not easy, but it shouldn't be this hard yo. Seriously. We're talking communication. Why the games. Why not tell me you aren't available?"

Woman: "I am available. Trust me."

I suddenly feel like I'm stuck in an Alicia Key's song. You know, one of the slow, hurt ones. My urge to leave is so strong but I stay. Later, after the omelette's gone and the clock's done a few circles, she drops me off at a friend's house. I remember thinking, as she drove off: "this city blows."

But, looking back on it three years later, I realize it wasn't the city. It's just people. We're all different and come in different shapes, sizes, and emotional states. It doesn't matter if you're in Texas, Australia, China, California, England, or New York. There will always be someone you meet waiting to be the love of your life, a great friend, or a major heart breaker. But, you know what, I learned from each experience, good or bad.

Yeah, dating's tough. But, it's also a beautiful thang. To me, it comes down to not giving up. It's about weeding out the bad to get to the gold. You gotta give a little to get a little, right?

Omelet time.

Dating - To Whip Or Not To Whip?

How rough is too rough in bed?

For each person, the answer is different. I'd say anything involving the following would rule me out --

-Knives

-Wooden Boards

-Hair pulling...like, really hard hair pullin'.

-Bats

-Chains (well, wait, I change my mind)

(photo found here)

Don't get me wrong, though, getting pushed around in bed is nice 'an all. Even yelling is hot sometimes. But, if it hurts, that ain't cool...

Right?

Hell, what do I know?

I'd let someone cut my ass up if I was feelin' that individual enough. But, that would require some trust as well. Or, just a whole lot of sexual tension that needs to be let out.

Perhaps it's simply about what pleases you. Even if it means bleeding a little...or a lot.

Goodbye L Word.

Last night was the last episode ever of "The L Word."

I'll miss all of you...

and yes, Jenny. Even your crazy ass.

I'll miss all of the bad writing and great scenes. I'll miss all of the drama. I'll miss the backstabbing. Bette and Tina. Gosh, I'll miss their love scenes. I'll miss Shane and her antics. I can't tell you how much it meant to have this show on television. I know it changed the lives of mucho young folk.

To be able to watch a show full of lesbianic ladies dealing with real issues that we face everyday= priceless.

It's the type of thing you don't realize you miss until a year later. I'm proud to have been alive to watch this show from the beginning. Thank you Ilene Chaiken.