"I feel like you're screening me."
"Is this an interview or what?"
"Enough with the questions already!"
I wrote a book on dating as most of you know (available on Amazon.com) and, as I'm finding out, there is a lot I can learn in that area. Now, in the book I don't claim to be perfect or know everything; people in their 20s...we're a little bit of a mess to say the least. But, that can be said about many age groups.
Here's the question I want to pose to the group (you): Do you think it's okay to ask questions on the first date, or save them for later on?
After a few recent dates and handful of women telling me that they feel like I "interview them" I have had to look within and ask myself this question. While I do think that no one should be answering questions during an entire date, it's also important to know the basics (or, the things that are important to you). For me, I like independent, strong, and assertive women who have ambition and know how to pay their own bills. So, here are some questions that I like to ask on the first date:
Where do you work? I don't care where someone works. Just, dear God, have a job that allows you to pay your bills and not rely on anyone else.
Do you live alone? For me, I can't date a person who still lives at home with their parents. And, I do think it's a red flag if someone over 35 lives with someone else.
What was your last relationship like? This is a new one I've added since the last 4 out of 5 women I've met have had physical abuse in their prior romantic relationships. I definitely bounce if there's a history of this.
Are you out of the closet and do you like public affection? I once dated someone who wasn't okay with holding hands or being touched on the streets of West Hollywood (one of the gayest cities in the country) and that was not only a sign of inner homophobia but just weird. And someone who is not out of the closet is simply not my thang.
Knowing this information right away prevents me from getting emotionally invested first and then feeling like it's too late to pull out because I like the person. Been there, done that and I don't want to waste time.
Recently I went on a date with a woman who is great. And for the first time, I felt interviewed. "Lauren, how many relationships have you been in?" "What's your five year plan?" "Do you see yourself living in another city?" "Are you spontaneous?" Although her assertiveness took me by surprise, I didn't mind it. That's why I think the answer to the above question I posed is: It depends on the person.
For you, perhaps any amount of questions makes you feel interviewed and turned-off. However, for someone like me I like the confidence and "I know what I want" mentality. For quite some time I dealt with women who lacked those things so I find it refreshing. It simply depends on what you like.
As my stepmother says, "There's no right or wrong answer." Do what makes you happy, even if it means throwing in a few questions...or not = )
I read somewhere, just today actually, that the best time to ask questions is at the very beginning, right when you meet someone, because presumably, that is when people are more likely to be honest because no emotions are vested yet. I tend to ask a lot of questions. It helps weed out the losers, not just by their answers, but their attitude in how they respond.
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