Monday, January 4, 2010

Things From the Past.

When two people love each other, unconditionally, it's a beautiful thang.

(Photo found here)

The sharing of cute smiles across a room. Holding hands. Making love. Even having little spats that end up making you both laugh hysterically. It's all great.

But, inevitably, there are certain things that bother both you. One being -- your lover still has things from previous relationships. Yeah, I know. This is a loaded topic that even I can't really make a discussion about. Why?

Because life's too short to focus energy on an object that only has the power we give it...right?


Do we need to clean our mental, emotional, and physical space of past hurts and love in order to be completely ready to move on?

Honestly, I used to be very cut 'n dry about this. If a woman had anything -- a piece of candy or a picture -- from another relationship, I would automatically assume she was still in love with the individual. Plus, when I was younger, I threw out everything from every person I was with in my life.

Comparing and expecting peeps to be like you = not so great.

But now, as I've gotten older and more mature, I wish I had the pictures and letters for the sake of my memory and being reminded of a specific time in my life. Looking back, It feels like I was running away from my experience(s) when I tossed those things in the trash, perhaps, out of insecurity. So, now I understand why some individuals still hold on to things from years and years ago. It's a reminder of how much we've grown and how much we loved.

Being loved = awesome

So, don't sweat the small shiznit, peeps. If your partner has a few items from the past, think about how, in your heart, it feels to be with 'em. Listen to your intuition. It'll tell you if the person is completely with you or someone else emotionally. It may tell you that the person is with you but you may still want 'em to throw stuff out. Hey, then that's fine as well. And, if the person is ready to move on and get rid of it, your request shouldn't be an issue. But, ask yourself if you're giving these things more power than they deserve? And, are you doing it out of love or fear?

Ultimately, we have to make decisions for ourselves. You know what you're comfortable with and what you're not. But hey, let's break it down: relationships are hard enough. Maybe the focus should be more on connecting and getting to know each other.


If you're with someone who is still wearing a wedding ring or occasionally calls you by their ex-girlfriend's name, then you may want to rethink things.


1 comment:

Willow said...

I totally agree that having items from the past is a good thing, I've kept a few reminders of past relationships/people, it's like a small reminder of all the things you've gone through. However some things are too personal and in my opinion shouldn't be kept, i.e. when me and my girlfriend first started going out she had so many pictures of her and her ex which i randomly found everywhere and she still had gifts her ex gave her and it made me feel that no space had been cleared for me in her life. Like her past was constantly haunting us. It took a lighter with their anniversary engraved on it to totally go bananas and tell her to get rid of every single reminder or her ex. duno if it was the right thing to do but I didn't like feeling like she was still in my gf's life when she wasn't.