Sweat Me A Compliment.

Today I went to the gym. I try to go at least 3-5 times a week.

I'm averaging two . . . and that's a good week.

When I actually make it there, I feel energized and ready to take on the world. The drips of sweat as I climb on the stepper or run on the treadmill give me motivation and allow me to see how hard I am working.

To get stronger

To feel sexy

And frankly, to not get fat. Again.

"Damn baby, you don't need to be in here. You already pretty as f*ck" said an attractive guy as I entered the gym. He winked at me and I sort of liked it.

Actually, I really liked it.

These are the kind of moments that inspire me to grow . . . to keep running and sweating and dripping. And his words remained in my head as I climbed the stairs to go lift weights. To be real, they stayed with me the entire time I was there.

It always amazes me how far a few kind words can go. A simple compliment, like the one I heard today, can lift a bad mood or give someone hope during a hopeless time. We all have the power to change lives, to change worlds. Sometimes all it takes is a split second.

I'll be at the gym tomorrow.

2012 = No More Bullsh*t.

I want you to hear me when I say . . .

Love doesn't hurt.

It should be joyful. Cool. Mellow. Nice. Sweet. Comforting. Kind. Full of butterflies and smiles.

There should be NO bullsh*t. No, I didn't say there should be little bullsh*t. I said there should be NO bullsh*t.

Why is it that so many of us have become accustomed to feeling negative feelings when it comes to dating, love, and relationships?

She doesn't call a lot but at least she texts me every now and then.

Yeah, he lied a few times but he always apologizes.

So what if she's still getting out of a relationship. She's over him.

No, no, and hell no.

We should not be settling. We should not be changing our needs and expectations out of loneliness or a feeling of I can't do any better.

We CAN do so much better. But, better isn't always that easy. Better may take a minute to come your way. What does better entail (at times)?

Being alone more often than you'd like

Nights in bed by yourself

Loneliness

Or, better can look like this:

Spending more time with friends and family

Working on your craft

Starting up a new hobby and rockin' da sh*t out of it

It's all a matter of what you're looking for in your life at this moment. Some of you may be willing to wait until that special somebody comes along. Or, perhaps you're the type of person who needs a body by your side . . . someone who is simply there, regardless of the fact they he or she may not love you. Sometimes it's easier to be with someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I've been there. I was there recently and it took me a while to figure out:

Love doesn't hurt

Love isn't being nice one second and then calling you an asshole the next. Love isn't flaking out on plans you made a month ago. Love isn't missing your birthday. Love isn't cheating on you. Love isn't being passive aggressive. Love isn't being hot and cold. Love doesn't involve manipulation or abuse of any kind. Love isn't, "I'm in a relationship but unhappy. Wanna go out?" Love doesn't allow you to stay up late at night wondering when he or she will come home. Love isn't feeling like you're constantly on eggshells.

Love is sexy. Love is kind. Love is cool. And even when love doesn't feel so cool it's still cool because y'all know how to keep it cool.

Love is disagreeing while still respecting the other person. Love never allows name calling. Ever.

Question: was there a memo that was sent out to the world that said we should deal with bullsh*t? That we should be okay with getting hurt and feeling this way on a regular basis? Did Obama pass a bill that makes everyone not wait for the person of their dreams--who treats him or her like Gold? I can't help but wonder if that went down because, it seems, that many of the people I know (myself included) haven't experienced anything but a lot of hurting. And not just hurting once or twice during a two year relationship. But hurting over and over and over and over and over again within the first few months of dating.

We are getting too used to FEELING hurt. So much so that it's become normal. And now it feels abnormal when someone makes us feel LOVED.

When I meet a woman who makes me feel nothing but joy. Who is consistently loving, straight forward, plays no games, and--wait, that hasn't happened yet. I haven't met her . . . yet.

So what have I been doing because she hasn't come my way? I've been allowing myself to hurt and feel pain because I thought it was love. I was settling. I was allowing myself to put up with bullsh*t. I wasn't being kind to ME.

The good thing is, it's a new day. It's a new year. It's a new moment and a new second. Every experience is an opportunity for growth. All of the failures and mistakes that I've made, we've all made, have been worth it because they brought us to this moment.

And now, when I see her or anyone else who used to inspire hurt within me, I am now able to walk away because I know one thing:

I ain't putting up with no bullsh*t

Love, Do You Fit?

AVERAGE DAY

5:30am: Wake up, shake the dreams out of my hair. Shower. Pick up the newspaper I'm not going to read that's waiting on my doorstep. Drive to work.

6:30am-3:00pm: Work. Work. Work. Think of story ideas for future screenplays. Fantasize. Network.

3:00pm-3:30pm: Drive to the gym. Listen to music. Feel the wind on my arm as Maxwell blasts.

3:30pm-5:00pm: Gym. Sweat. Lift weights. Watch Anderson Cooper as I burn calories. Wonder how much longer he'll wait to come out.

5:00pm-7:00pm: Dinner. Check emails. Text. Pay bills. Call a friend or two. Write.

7:00pm-10:00pm: Screenwriting class. Go over story beats and character flaws. Laugh. Connect.

10:00pm-11:00pm: Shower. Listen to music. Pray that I have enough energy to write a blog or two. Think of what I learned in class. Fantasize.

11:30pm: Bed (alone).

WHERE DOES LOVE FIT IN?

Is it difficult to fit in an active dating life with the schedule that I have? Hell yes, but it is possible -- I don't have class every night. I also have a few days off a week. On one of those days, I can have a romantic evening with a lady.

Would it be difficult to date more than one or two women at a time? Not necessarily. If I'm hanging out once a week with each woman then I could probably manage. But, here's the real question to ask myself:

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

#LetMeGetBacktoYouonThat

Chronicles Of A 20-Something: Sometimes We Must Take a Risk.

I'm taking a big leap of faith and following my HEART.

My father and I have a book coming out in just a few weeks --

How to Get Real About Dating: A Father and Daughter's Guide to Finding Love at Any Age.

In the past few months, I have invested thousands of dollars on the book: editing, design work, etc. I don't know what is going to happen, but no matter what it has been an amazing experience.

Life's too short not to take a chance. In my experience, the greatest opportunities and experiences came after taking a risk. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."

When I fell in love for the first time and took a plane to New York to meet a woman I had never met in person before. A huge risk that was an amazing experience.

Deciding to attend NYU rather than Chapman, even after I was offered a scholarship of $30,000+. My time at NYU was great.

Moving out of my mother's abusive household to live with my father and stepmother. Without making that decision, I wouldn't be the woman I am today.

Sometimes you have to move past the fear and have a fu*k it attitude. Otherwise, you'll never know what could have happened if you went for it.

I'm going for it.

Love and Fear and Coffee.

You know how this goes.

I sigh...

EXT. CAFE - MORNING
An Older Woman sips on a steamy cup of coffee, a smile on her face. It's slightly dark outside, but the sun is starting to wake up.

I walk by, quickly sliding my shoes along the side walk, afraid of being late for work.

Somehow, I feel her smiling at my worry.

I turn to meet her laughing eyes.

Me: "Oh, hey. Wasup, gurl!? Long time no see."
Woman: "Nothing, just watching you stress, playa."
Playa. Ha, if only she knew the truth.
Me: "Yeah, I'm about to be late if I don't hurry my ass up."
I give a deep exhale, wanting to sit down and have a cup of coffee with her.
Woman: "These things happen. So, who are you dating now? how many ladies? Tell me the scoop!"
I inhale, not knowing what to say since nothing has been going down.
Me: "Nothing really. But, you know what I'm realizing? I have a lot of fear around being with someone, like in a relationship."
Woman: "What kind of fear?"
Me: "Like, what if I get hurt like the first time I was in love? What if I take a chance and it doesn't work? What if, what if, what if."
She laughs. Hard. I don't know if it was her or the sky, but suddenly everything looks a little bit brighter.
Woman: "Who doesn't think that? I've been with my guy for four years now and he won't marry me. He's like you -- afraid."
Me: "Hold up, you think about the same things, too?"
Woman: "Hell yeah. But, let me tell you something, I ain't waiting around for him. Before he left to hang out with his boys yesterday, I was walking around the house with a thong and no bra on. He loved it."
I give her a confused look.
Me: "You mean, if he doesn't wake up and smell the thong, you're out? Even though you're in love with him?"
Woman: "Absolutely. Honey, I don't have time to wait around. Four years is long enough. And, the stuff I do, maybe he can find another bitch to do it, but not one that can do it like me."
Oh, snap.
Woman: "It's all about knowing what you're worth and taking that risk. Otherwise, what else are you gonna do? Be alone?"
Me: "Yeah...I'd love to know what it is like to be in a relationship that long. Do you get bored?"
Woman: "Naw, I love that fool, even if he is making me wait a million years."
She takes a long sip of her coffee. I look in the distance, completely forgetting about the time as the sun shines on my face.

There are things in life that make us want to vomit, scream, or run like the wind.

Things that make us wake up in the middle of the night, screaming.

Hurt that causes our heart to ache and stomach to tie into knots.

Fear

We let it grab us. We let it create its own world, own story, and own characters.

I don't remember what it's like to love like the first time I fell in love.

But, when I stop allowing the fear to talk, it's so obvious that I do. And, that I can love even harder and deeper than ever before.

So, we have two choices.

1) Listen to the head.

2) Listen to the heart.

You decide.

"I Want A Down Bitch."

You had a bad day at work, come home with an attitude, and proceed to lash out at your Boo for not cooking dinner.

Seeing that you're worked up and stressed, she allows you to vent and apologizes for not checking in with you about dinner. "I'm sorry, baby. Is there something I can make for you?"

Yeah, that's right, she even offers to cook for your rude ass.

And after you're done eating, she makes you a bath and allows you to sleep the hurt away...even if it doesn't include holding her.

That's a down bitch.

You find out that your grandmother passed away and the funeral is in a few days. Although you want to ask your lady to come with you across the country for emotional support, you decide not to since she has an important work deadline to meet.

Within a few hours, she gets permission from her boss to postpone the project and immediately books a flight for the both of you.

She packs everything, arranges for flowers to be sent, and offers a shoulder for you to cry on whenever you need to let your emotions out.

That's a down bitch.

Your car just broke down and you're trippin' because you now have to ride the bus to your job, which is 40 miles away.

Your lady let's you use her new car. Not only that, she also starts taking the bus to and from work since her commute is only 8 miles away.

That's a down bitch.

You get wasted on New Year's Eve at a club with your girl and some friends. Like, so hammered that you don't even know you're name. Vomit is all over your clothes and in your hair. Yeah, it is that bad.

Those friends of yours...they're gone. A security guard comes over and tries to carry you outside to a cab, but your chick stops him and says, "I got it."

She gets you into the car, carries you inside your pad, and bathes you. Embarrassed and ashamed you tell her to leave you alone.

Her response: "Shut up." She proceeds to finish bathing you in between forcing water down your throat.

That's a down bitch.

Some homeless guy starts talking shit to you in public about being a lesbian. You ignore him, but the derogatory statements keep coming.

Your chick, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable, waits 5 seconds to go crazy on him.

1...

2...

3...

4...

5...

And like that, she snaps her head around and yells to the guy, "We got a fuc*ing problem, dude?"

Both you and the homeless guy have a look of fear and complete shock on your face. He sizes her up, sees that she ain't playin' around and says, "No, we don't."

"Good," she responds, and turns back around to you. "You want dessert, baby?"

That's a down bitch.

Strong. Loyal. Dependable. A rock. She isn't going anywhere. Katrina ain't moving this chick. Boxing ain't her profession, but she'll put on some gloves if she has to.

So many of us split when things get tough...or appear to be heading down that road. Ya know the type I'm talkin' about --

You guys have a fight and she says, "Are we even good together?" One disagreement has her questioning your entire relationship.

That's NOT a down bitch.

Someone else has caught her eye and she tells you: "Nothing happened, but...there's a connection." Forget the three years you shared together.

That's NOT a down bitch.

The relationship is going through a rough patch and she is shutting down instead of talking through things and trying to make it work. "I think we need a break." I guess making an effort doesn't even matter to her.

That's NOT a down bitch.

The increase in the population of Not Down Bitches is concerning.

To me, a Down Bitch doesn't play games. She doesn't sway on who she likes or juggle a whole bunch of women at one time.

When she's with you, it's just you.

It sounds kind of foreign, doesn't it? A chick who just wants you and just you? But, they're out there. I think the key is --

Believing and knowing that there's a Down Bitch out there in the Universe for you.

Perhaps if we expect amazing things to come, they will.

Love and Books and 28.9 Miles.

Sometimes it's hard to know what you want...

when there is a new second at every second and a new minute at every minute...

1,000+ breaths.

60,000 thoughts.

You know how this goes...

INT. ROOM - NIGHT

I sit on my hard bed as I talk on my cell phone and play with my tangled hair.

My homegurl is on the other line, we'll call her LISA.

Lisa: "So, be real, gurl. Who are you feelin' the most?"

The question throws me, just like a bug does when it turns into bug juice on my window shield.

Lauren: "I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if I'm always going to be alone."

Lisa: "Gurrrrl."

We laugh, aware of how ridiculous my words sound.

Lauren: "I know, I'm trippin'. I haven't figured it out yet."

Lisa: "Maybe because your ass needs to put out already!"

Lauren: "Naw. That has to feel right because it's no joke."

Lisa: "Well, what do you want...a relationship or what?"

Lauren: "Gurl, I just want to be on the same page as a chick."
Lisa: "But, what page are you on?"

Oh, damn. She just called out a sistah. Um, let's see... page 1 -- 20 -- oh, no -- crap, I lost my spot.

Lauren: "I'm on page, Whatever Feels Right. And, when something doesn't, I go to the next book."

Lisa: "Well, how about this -- finish the damn book before moving on to another one."

My hand goes to my heart and my chest fills with air. For a moment, I forget about my hair and the entire world. No thoughts. Just the truth and complete silence as it bounces off the walls.

Sometimes it's important to finish the journey.

After all, it doesn't matter all that much if you run 28.9 miles when the damn race is 30 miles long.

Or, does it?

For some of us, we give up before really even trying. This can be out of fear, pure laziness, or the inability to give up control in the face of vulnerability.

Many of us are scared.

Many of us are lazy.

Many of us like control.

And, many of us run when someone touches us and we feel a Soul thrown at us unlike any other -- one that breathes unconditional love and whispers, through fingertips and footsteps, "I got chu, no matter what, Boo."

That shiznit, even when you don't finish the race, is so completely worth the journey...I don't care if your ass only reaches 200 feet.

But, what's really the worst that could happen if you reached that 30 mile mark?

Sure, you may get hurt. Actually, there's a high likelihood since a lot of relationships don't work out, but that's being straight negative. Let's go the other route -- positivity.

You could give and receive love that transforms your life.

You could give and receive love that transforms your life.

You could give and receive love that transforms your life.

In the end, in the middle, and in the beginning of the race isn't that what it's really all about?

I think it's time for me to finish that book.