Monday, April 25, 2011

Love and Books and 28.9 Miles.

Sometimes it's hard to know what you want...

when there is a new second at every second and a new minute at every minute...

1,000+ breaths.

60,000 thoughts.

You know how this goes...


I sit on my hard bed as I talk on my cell phone and play with my tangled hair.

My homegurl is on the other line, we'll call her LISA.

Lisa: "So, be real, gurl. Who are you feelin' the most?"

The question throws me, just like a bug does when it turns into bug juice on my window shield.

Lauren: "I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if I'm always going to be alone."

Lisa: "Gurrrrl."

We laugh, aware of how ridiculous my words sound.

Lauren: "I know, I'm trippin'. I haven't figured it out yet."

Lisa: "Maybe because your ass needs to put out already!"

Lauren: "Naw. That has to feel right because it's no joke."

Lisa: "Well, what do you want...a relationship or what?"

Lauren: "Gurl, I just want to be on the same page as a chick."
Lisa: "But, what page are you on?"

Oh, damn. She just called out a sistah. Um, let's see... page 1 -- 20 -- oh, no -- crap, I lost my spot.

Lauren: "I'm on page, Whatever Feels Right. And, when something doesn't, I go to the next book."

Lisa: "Well, how about this -- finish the damn book before moving on to another one."

My hand goes to my heart and my chest fills with air. For a moment, I forget about my hair and the entire world. No thoughts. Just the truth and complete silence as it bounces off the walls.

Sometimes it's important to finish the journey.

After all, it doesn't matter all that much if you run 28.9 miles when the damn race is 30 miles long.

Or, does it?

For some of us, we give up before really even trying. This can be out of fear, pure laziness, or the inability to give up control in the face of vulnerability.

Many of us are scared.

Many of us are lazy.

Many of us like control.

And, many of us run when someone touches us and we feel a Soul thrown at us unlike any other -- one that breathes unconditional love and whispers, through fingertips and footsteps, "I got chu, no matter what, Boo."

That shiznit, even when you don't finish the race, is so completely worth the journey...I don't care if your ass only reaches 200 feet.

But, what's really the worst that could happen if you reached that 30 mile mark?

Sure, you may get hurt. Actually, there's a high likelihood since a lot of relationships don't work out, but that's being straight negative. Let's go the other route -- positivity.

You could give and receive love that transforms your life.

You could give and receive love that transforms your life.

You could give and receive love that transforms your life.

In the end, in the middle, and in the beginning of the race isn't that what it's really all about?

I think it's time for me to finish that book.

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