Friday, April 16, 2010

Love and Disappointment and Hope.

Unresponsiveness. Passive aggressive behavior. Full of attitude.

We all have experience with people who are like this. You reach out and get little to no response. Or, what you get is full of anger and meanness.


You get a response but it's elusive, inconsistent, or blaming which leaves you asking questions. Even worse, blaming yourself.

It's like a puzzle that won't come together. Ya know, one of those 3,000 piece puzzles that you know they packaged incorrectly since you've been working on it --unsuccessfully--for five days straight.
You're left wondering why this and why that. And oh, don't even mention your friends. They ain't makin' it easy with shiznit like --

"He's an asshole, forget about him!"
"Move on and delete her from Facebook."
"Gurrrl, you best go Angela Basset on his ass."
Then you have those therapist types who say --
"Maybe it's better to focus on why you're reaching out to this toxic person."
"Perhaps a journal will help you to clarify things."
"Ever thought about anti-depressants?"
Yeah, sure, these are all options, but here's the issue --
They ain't your options.
Ultimately, you have to live with you and only you know what you want/need.
When someone isn't communicating with you or has inconsistent behavior, it may be a good idea to take a step back for your own sake and ask what you'd like to accomplish. It could be as simple as, "I'd like to talk every now to let him know I care." Or, it could be, "I want to work things out and get back together."
Whatever it is, clarify what you're seeking with yourself and consider dropping all expectations.
A lack of response can mean a variety of things just like passive aggressive behavior can as well. But, simply throwing out good energy every so often, whether it's a call or E-mail, offers a good balance.
Just because they ain't consistent doesn't mean you have to be that way as well. Follow your heart and change the dance by practicing unconditional love and healthy indifference. It's totally possible, although very hard.
Oh, and make sure you're ready. It's always a good idea to consider giving yourself some time to heal, whether it's from hurt by a former lover or family member. That way you'll have a better chance next time around when you do speak again.
Easier said than done...right?

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