Sunday, April 25, 2010

Chronicles Of A 20-Something, We Freak Out.

I sit with my Friend in a chair. He's relaxin' on my bed, a blanket on his lap. I guess the sun's not warm enough.
Friend: "All I'm sayin' is that you never know what someone is going through. Maybe she didn't text him back because she forgot or didn't have time."
Me: "Well, he sent her a Facebook message. Not a text."
Friend: "Same thing. It's still a way to communicate where the intention or tone isn't clear."
Me: "I can understand if she forgot to respond. Or, if she just didn't have time. But, it has been over a week and they kind of had a disagreement. So, there's a little back story there."
Friend: "I still think you're way wrong, potentially. Because look. I've had friends who have gone M.I.A. for, like, two years. And, at first I took it personal. I would E-mail or call and get no response. Then, two years later, a few of them E-mailed me within two months of each other and said they were just going through a lot."
Me: "Those peeps are different. Our group hangs out on a regular basis and her behavior is usually different than this whole non-reply thang. You really think that her lack of response isn't on purpose?"
Friend: "Totally. Well, actually, I think you are over thinking it. I know her. She's not upset with him. In fact, when she saw him today she ran over and gave him a hug."
Me: "It is never what it seems. Some of us are nicer to our enemies than our friends, which isn't right. But, it is true in some cases. I'm not saying I know or that I'm right. The point is, he sent her a message and she hasn't responded after they had a small fight. That's not just being busy or forgetting. Women are different than men. We ignore. We do things on purpose. Some of us our passive aggressive."
Friend: "So are men!"
Me: "Yeah, but women are reeeeeallllyyyy good at it."
Friend: "I guess you make a good point, but're wrong. I know it."
Me: "I guess we'll see if she ever responds."
Friend: "She will!"

Who knows why she hasn't responded, but maybe he's right.

Assumptions can get us in trouble...and leave us freakin' the hell out.

I can't tell you how many times I've reached out to someone -- romantic or not -- and tripped out after not hearing anything. This could have been after a few minutes or a few days. Thoughts like, "What did I do?" and "Did he die?" would flash in my head. I always check my phone like a mad woman and made sure to put the ringer on max volume.

And then, one day, I decided to let it all go. "They'll get back to me" started to pop into my brain, or I wouldn't think about it at all. I'd let it be.

Sometimes what keeps us sane is finding a middle ground between these two extremes. After all, a peaceful insanity won't do much good. Facing things, like a fight, head on may not be the best approach. There's power in silence and time and letting go. And, if we're lucky, it's

Healing power.

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