Tuesday, September 29, 2009
(photo found here)
We all know these famous words from the gorgeous and smart woman, Heidi Klum.
At first I used to hate them. So cold...so false. Aren't you always in if you're in?
Then I got to thinking and thought: maybe she's right...maybe it's kind of like love.
One day you're feeling great and everything is perfect. You're getting along and want nothing more than to be with that person every second. But, then you have those times where you want space and don't want to be around your lover.
Kind of like after you get into a HUGE fight with someone you love. Like, so bad you may be thinking, "can we get past this?" Or, "will things ever be the same?" At these times, one can feel nothing but Out. Very, very out.
A few hours or days later, you begin to calm down and think. Your heart starts to soften and you miss that person, or that massive problem seems much smaller. All you want to do is talk and move on to how things were...if the love is truly there. Otherwise, you'll just walk away and give up.
Let's say you got a lot of that dope shiznit and refuse to throw in da towel. Perhaps you'll talk to that person and realize that your relationship and love is even stronger than you ever imagined. And, within moments, the feelings of never wanting to have that person out of your life comes back like dust on a kitchen table.
Being Out makes us realize how In we always were.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Like the wax in my eardrums
I get stuck
Like heavy hands on a soft piano,
Gently touching you so you don’t awake…
I want to split you open and
Cut your arteries into pieces
Like a bloody piece of steak,
Dripping down my arms
...Seeping into my skin.
It wouldn’t be so bad, ya know.
Without the sauce or
It wouldn’t be so bad to bleed
On something or someone else who
Doesn’t mind holding you without
Lauren Hamilton (c) 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
She is my friend and club promoter. Smart, sexy, cool. She'll also be in my next vlog on Afterellen. Airing Thursdays. You can find out more information on her and what she does via facebook or by attending one of her amazing events (Madame Wu's).
You know how this goes. I sigh --
INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT
Wine is involved. As usual. I sit in my PJs next to a Friend as she sips on a diet soda, her wrinkled hands clinging to it like it's her last. Maybe it is.
We're talking about love. As usual.
Me: "I'm a romantic, but a reluctant one who scares too easy."
She looks up and shoots me a perplexed look.
Friend: "What the hell did you just say?"
I shake my head, half amused and half annoyed. By what, I don't really know.
Friend: "Hmm, okay, let me try to understand since, after all, I am old enough to be your grandmother."
I roll my eyes. This again?
Me: "You're not even 60. Chill."
Friend: "60 in the South is great grandmother status! Anyway, so you mean, like...you can't stand the heat in the kitchen you built?"
Me: "I meant that I'm smooth and really coolio until feelings start to get involved. Then, I become this sensitive, not-so-suave person. I mean, I am still me, but my fears and insecurities grab at my insides."
Friend: "As much as I want to say it gets better with age, it doesn't. I still trip out about my fat ass stomach."
There go my eyes even more.
Me: "Your stomach isn't fat."
Friend: "Yeah it is. Don't lie to me damnit."
We smile at each other. I still disagree, but can't help but laugh. Who isn't insecure about something?
Me: "When I date someone I like, I realize how much work I still have to do. Underneath it all, I'm such a mess. Or, I feel like one at times."
Friend: "Getting older doesn't make that go away either."
Me: "Thanks. But maybe it doesn't have a lot to do with age. Maybe it's all about the love we get as children."
Friend: "Oh God, are we having a childhood discussion? Because I don't feel like crying right now."
I sip on my wine, not wanting to get into mommy and daddy issues either.
Me: "Naw, we aren't. I'm just sayin' that confidence and self-love should be emphasized when we're kids in order to have healthier relationships...maybe."
Friend: "And if it's not then you think no one can be that way?"
Me: "I didn't say all that. I just think that it's harder when we have to learn how to love ourselves as opposed to it being ingrained when we're young."
Friend: "I guess that makes a little sense. My old man didn't hold me at all...was kind of an asshole. Now I practically seek out the love and attention I never got from men."
Silence. I think I hear her heart still breaking.
Me: "I feel you. We all got our thangz is my point. Dating is like peeling onions. You see so may different layers. When I start to shed, I lose the exterior that I feel is safe. But, once they are gone, one by one, I start to get nervous. It's like I get that way to see if the person will like me as I reveal more...even though I know how cool I am."
Friend: "Isn't that crazy how we can be so confident one second and then the opposite the next?"
Me: "Completely. For me, I think it's because there's a lot at risk. My heart being one thing. And, I haven't been in the most loving relationships."
Friend: "Well, that's another can of worms. The baggage and hurt we carry is in all of us. I still think my man is cheating on me whenever he comes home late. That's what being with a liar and man whore for 5 years will do for ya."
Me: "Maybe we give up too fast."
Friend: "True. As much as I get scared, too, I know that the guy who is meant for me will like me no matter what. So, when I get nervous or vulnerable, that's how I keep it together."
Me: "Yeah, I guess that's true. All you can be is yourself."
We hold up our glasses in the air and clink them together. I smile as the wine trickles down my throat. Her words stay in my head. Yes, it's all about being YOU.
Who knows what makes us the way we are...truly.
I just know that we all have a battle going on inside of us. Whether it be with our heart or mind or Soul. And, this isn't a bad thing. Never is it a bad thing.
It doesn't always feel good. And, I can't help but wonder how it impacts us. For some, the past can keep us in a deep depression that we never come out of. For others, it can make us look within and grow in ways we never thought imaginable.
Now me...I'm not perfect. At all. I get nervous and stutter when I like someone. I don't even know where that sweet talkin' woman goes at times, but this is who I am. And, this is what makes me awesome as well.
So, maybe my Friend is right. We just gotta be ourselves, even if that means looking like our extremely imperfect selves.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Serena Williams went c-r-a-z-y today at the U.S. Open.
(photo found here)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
(Photo found here)
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
A dinner with Palin is being auctioned off on Ebay starting at $7,500.
(photo found here)
How much would I pay?
As much as I want to say $0, I think I'd definitely write a check for 12 bucks if I had the chance.
What can I say, I like a woman in glasses.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
You know how this goes. I sigh --
INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT
It's one of those nights where the moon overtakes the sky. I sit with a glass of wine in my hand plus some cheese squares. A Friend sits next to me with a glass of Vodka. Straight up.
Me: "...sometimes I don't know what I want."
He laughs, more to himself than at me. What's really in his glass?
Friend: "Join the club, babe. I wanted a peanut butter sandwich for lunch but ended up having a meatball sandwich instead."
Me: "Yeah, yeah, I get it. But, I'm talking about love and stuff like that. Romantically...you know, meeting women and dating can be tough."
Friend: "It shouldn't be."
Me: "True...I guess I'm referring to getting over your past experiences and moving on with someone new...without taking things out on them."
Friend: "That's easy. Just move on."
Me: "Okay, is today disagree-with-Lauren Day?"
He laughs, gives me a sweet smile.
Friend: "Look, I know what you mean. After Lisa I couldn't trust a woman for years. And damn, my mom issues didn't help."
He sighs. I wait, knowing he's going to add something else.
Friend: "Being with her took so much out of me. I don't even know if I can give that way again."
Me: "I feel ya, man. But hey, everyone has thangz...issues."
We both take a sip of our drink and let the night soak us up. The silence is nice. For this moment.
Me: "What if we didn't have any baggage or unresolved bullcrap that makes us screw up relationships?"
Friend: "Well, then we'd be different people. And come on, L, you know what they say -- "Our past makes us stronger."
We laugh. A little.
Me: "Right. I love to date, don't get me wrong. But, there's always that point where you gotta ask yourself, "can I let my guard down?"
Friend: "You mean be vulnerable? Yeah, women always want you to open up. It has to happen naturally for me. Wait, maybe I don't get it. Example?"
His eyes look a little cloudy. Too much Vodka.
Me: "Let's say you have a trust issue because your ex girlfriend cheated on you. Now, you feel like every woman will eventually do that. You're suspicious of the things she says from the jump."
Friend: "That's tough. I guess I would eventually go crazy and be sent to jail."
Me: "Very funny. I think I would be open and honest. Just tell her about my past and my previous experiences with it. And, hopefully, she'll be sensitive and patience with me if I am always communicative in a healthy way."
Friend: "Easier said than done. I wouldn't deal with a girl who has trust problems like that. I already have a boss on my ass everyday."
Me: "Good point. But, what if you're really, really feelin' her?"
Friend: "Then I'd hit it for a minute and quit it."
Friend: "I'm just keeping it real."
I sit there forgetting my wine and responsibilities for a moment. I don't know if it was me or my Friend's blunt words, but I suddenly feel like none of this really matters in the long run. All we have is the Now. And right Now, life's lookin' pretty damn good under the moon.
No doubt, we all got thangz to work on. Some of us have a bad temper and others have a problem being too passive. We're all very different. But, it's not enough to simply say that you've been through a lot and that's the reason why you're the way that you are. You can turn things around if you want to, which is why I say don't pass someone up who is amazing because of their imperfections.
He or she is crazy or a detriment to your health.
If they are not, then give it a go
He or she ain't willing to work on their shiznit.
'Cause if that's the case, you're in for a chaotic and bumpy ride. No lie.
Maybe, in a way,
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Check out the first vlog of "3 Minute Conversations" on afterellen.com today. It'll be airing every Wednesday with different women every week, and some returning ladies in upcoming vlogs.
In the very near future, I will be giving updates on shooting, the women who will be featured, and show all of the pretty faces behind the show.
Thank you for tuning in and watching. This is just the beginning.
Oh, and the name's Lauren. It's nice to meet you = )