Monday, August 24, 2009

Hiking and Love and Clouds.

I like to hike, even when it's with the glaring sun on my sweating shoulder blades.

You know how this goes. I sigh --

EXT. RUNYON CANYON - HOLLYWOOD
Dirt and hills for days, or so it seems. I am breathless, but it's a good breathless. My Friend walks beside me, not the least bit tired.

This is the moment where we forget about our target heart rate and focus on love.

Me: "So, when was the last time you were on a date?"
You know me and my questions...
Friend: "Honestly, I don't even think I know how to kiss anymore."
I stop in my tracks for a moment as she continues walking, the rocks crushing beneath her feet.
Me: "Dang, I didn't expect that to come out of your mouth."
Friend: "I'm serious. I just feel like it's so difficult...and awkward."
Me: "Yeah, I haven't been with a woman in a loooong time. But, as far as dating, I think it should be fun. It ain't always easy, sure, but maybe you're meeting the wrong women."
Or not...
Friend: "Or, maybe monogamy is overrated. Maybe it's too much to ask someone to not sleep with other people if it's what they want."
Me: "Okay, hold up. I guess we're talking about relationships and not dating. In terms of relationships, I'm not into cheating and I fully expect my future partner to be the same way if that's what we've discussed prior to being together."
Friend: "I don't know if that's realistic or not though."
Me: "You mean realistic to find someone who doesn't have sex with other folks?
Friend: "Yeah."
I stay silent for a moment and it hits me that this may be a sensitive subject. There's hurt here. Where isn't it?
Me: "Has someone cheated on you before?"
Friend: "...yeah. Multiple times."
Me: "I'm so sorry, but please remember that everyone is different. There are plenty of people out there who are faithful, loving, and committed. And, who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated."
Silence.
Me: "Gurl, I'm serious. It's all about breaking it down and expressing your needs. If you get with a woman who says she can't be monogamous then you probably don't want to be with her. But, if there's someone who can respect you and your needs, then you're golden."
Friend: "Yeah, I still don't know."
We start to run, leaving the subject behind us. Though we're quiet, my mind isn't. It's amazing how one relationship and one person can totally change what we think is possible.

This isn't about cheating or about two women who haven't gotten some action in a long time (even though that sucks). It's about moving on without letting the past still break out heart every day.

I totally get why we carry bags of luggage into other relationships, at times, without realizing it. It's understandable. We've all been there. I know I have. But, there comes a time when we must toss 'em out and move da hell on.

Right...?

Okay, it ain't that easy. I know. However, it's possible.

For the longest time I told my Friend I wouldn't go hiking with her. That it was too hard and that I didn't want to fall on my ass. In other words, I was holding myself back. Then, last week, I said to myself -- "life's too damn short. If I fall, I fall. At least I would have tried."

Straight up, it was hard. I huffed and puffed and got dirty. I needed help getting up a hill, which was no problem due to some nice strangers. And, I definitely had to take a lot of short breaks. But hey, ya know what?

I didn't fall.

Maybe this is what it comes down to. Letting go of your fears and being willing to fall flat on your face. We all have the power to believe in something -- whether it's aliens or monogamy -- as long as we do one thing...

Let go.

2 comments:

carlabrowning said...

Great analogy and so true! The journey of life seems to be about letting go...releasing...creating space for infinite possibilities:)

Each time I let go I receive more than my wild imagination could ever dream up.

Thank you for this great reminder!

Anonymous said...

I rarely comment on the internet, but I feel the need to do here.

Please tell your friend that there are people out there who want the same things. There are people who don't believe in cheating. There are people who can be trusted and have their hearts in the right place. There are people who want to find the one person they can have forever with. And no, I am not being naive nor do I look through rose-colored glasses. A loving, committed relationship between two people who can trust and rely on each other does exist.

I am one of those people and there are many more. Never lose faith.