Thursday, May 14, 2009

Dating - Pat Yourself On Da Back.

Two peeps I know finally broke up. I always thought one of them, after being single, would ask me out or at least start flirting with me. But, she didn't. And, what did I do?


:pats self on back:
I feel good for a number of reasons: 1) not going after someone who wasn't meeting me half way or showing signs of interest 2) Refusing to reach out to her just to get ignored or rejected 3) Focusing my energy on other worthwhile ladies where there is reciprocity.

So, when I saw her this past weekend (2 months after her break up) at a potluck, I didn't make a move. I made small talk and kept it friendly. But, when she invited me out that night to a party, I thought...hey, is she makin' a move? Before I had a chance to figure it out she says,

Woman: "Yeah, this chick I kinda hate is gonna take me."
Her words shock me, so much so that my attention on her two gorgeous kids stop in an instant. I swallow the last sip of wine in my plastic cup. Hard.
Me: "Oh...the stud?"
She re adjusts her towel, purposefully showing off her ass and avoiding eye contact. But, that's okay, I still see her.
Woman: "Yeah."
I smile, but on the inside as I feel my subconscious walking away from this table, leaving her before we've had the chance to order an appetizer. I like games, but only Monopoly and Uno.
Me: "If you don't like her then why are you letting her take you out?"
She looks away. Something tells me she'd love a Get Out of Jail Free card right now.
Woman: "I don't give a shit if she buys me drinks and takes me out. It's whateva. It ain't weighing my shit down."
I swallow even harder, this time on my own saliva. Maybe she's handing her card to me, as if saying, "Look, I will f-ck with your heart, I'm not good for you, and deep down you're not interested in me. You just like my 'tude because it's a challenge. So, yes, a woman is meeting me tonight. Not you. And, that's the way I want it to be."
Me: "I feel ya."
Do I really?
Who knows how she really feels, but there's obviously no interest on both ends here. Doesn't mean she's not an amazing person or that I'm not either. We just aren't a good match.
I think, with dating as a young person, it's nice to notice your growth. With this experience I backed away instead of continuing to push, looking for something that isn't there.
Perhaps that's the key to dating successfully: not forcing things. Sure, there has to be effort. But, we don't have to constantly search for it.
Is there someone in your life you know, in your heart, isn't right for you? Consider taking a step back and asking, "Is this person right for me?"
The answer may surprise you.

No comments: