Tuesday, May 12, 2009

A Conversation - "Should It Be Easy?"


Semi crowded. A typical trendy West Hollywood joint. Nice bodies, fresh tans. I sit at a dirty table with a good friend. We'll call her PAM. Pam is 30 going on 18, but the good 18. As she sips on a beer, my hands fiddle with a napkin, wishing it was a glass of champagne.

This conversation is about love, as usual.

Friend: "...I often wonder if shit should be easy in the beginning. Like, part of me thinks it should and then the other part of me is like, that shit ain't possible. It's never easy with crazy lezzies."
Me: "Of course it should be easy...and steady. I want to feel amazing around the person I am dating. Like I can do whatever I want and know they'll support it."
Friend: "Shit, that's asking a lot for a date? Haha."
I laugh with her, noticing the bright, full moon at her back; she ain't laughing.
Me: "Dude, I'm not saying I want her to define who I am. I'm talking about a feeling that I feel should exist between two people, friends or lovers, that is indescribable. Peace. Calm. Support. And when that shiznit doesn't exist, when there is drama instead or something else from the jump, it ain't gonna work. For me at least."
Friend: "What about the ladies who like the drama? Like me. Ha. I love a psycho bitch."
Me: "Then it'll always be a crazy, abusive, or negative relationship."
Friend: "I'm down for that. Especially if she's bisexual. Love me some bisexuals!"
I smile at her, loving that she's always herself no matter what, with or without the beer.
Me: "That's what it comes down to. The person. What I can't deal with you can. But, I sure can't deal with thangz being stressful, drama, or crazy from the beginning. It's critical that I feel like the person I am dating is grounded. That I don't feel like the chick is going to fly off at any moment. But damn, I ain't perfect. Sometimes it takes me a few weeks or months to realize I need to get out of a bad situation."
Friend: "Good for your ass. 'Cause even when I see that bull dozer coming I still don't get out of the way."
Me: "Hey, but that works for you."
Friend: "Yes, it works for my ass...but, I want it to stop feeling so good."
Silence. We sit there, deep into our own thoughts. Why does drama feel good at moments for some of us?
Me: "...I hear you."
And, I do hear her. Louder than ever. And I think the moon heard her because now she seems to be laughing. At what, I don't know.

Life's interesting. There is hypocrisy in all of us. One second we're cold, the next we're hot. But, maybe judgment isn't good at this moment. Maybe Eckhart Tolle is on to something about living in the present, in the Now, in order to be truly Enlightened. Perhaps we think too much in terms of dating and should just dive head first into a situation that feels, looks, and tastes negative/unhealthy?

-Screw That-

If a woman or man shows you signs of c-r-a-z-y, drama, or abuse, your ass betta RUN off that boat ASAP because it's about to crash into a huge ice berg.

Examples --
1) She or he yells at you on your first date for not kissing/sleeping together.
2) He isn't over a previous partner and takes out their emotional, unresolved baggage on you by being manipulative, bitter, rude, etc.
3) She always has a new woman or man on their shoulder every time you see 'em.
4) She can't communicate beyond "hello, how are you?" unless it involves throwing things, being passive aggressive, or giving you crazy eyes.
5) She or he lives with their ex and their two kids, and they still fight at least once a week.

When ya meet someone in the Present and get Present reg flags, your Present ass needs to leave in that Present moment.

And, of course, you may have to kiss or get down and dirty a few times. But, we must come to our senses as soon as possible because while we're wasting time on a pointless relationship, the healthy one will never come to us. Like attracts like. I know, I know, easier said than done, eh? Trust, I know that no one is perfect. Damn, I sure as hell ain't. But, it's about making progress, one step at a time.
No matter how slow we walk...

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