Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A Conversation - Does Age Really Matter?

Can two people with many years between them have a successful relationship?

I don't really know to be honest, peeps. I want to act like age doesn't matter, of course. I'm a romantic! But, the more and more I date older women and think about it, the more skeptical I am. I feel like the older woman or man will inevitably be condescending and have a "go-see-the-world" mentality, which can be very dismissive. However, you never know.

Everyone is different.

Now, one thang's for sure. Someone who is 12 and trying to date a 25 year old won't work. Plus, that's nasty...right?

But, I'm talking about someone my age who is in their mid 20s trying to date someone in their 30s. Can it work? I haven't been able to wrap my head around this subject. So, I've been asking my friends:

Friend 1: "A young woman has so many things to experience in her life that I don't want to take away from them. There is no replacement for experience. Because if I'm 43 with a 23 year old, I'm impatient with her mistakes. And, then there's that aspect of molestation which I can't stand."
I nod my head, thinking she's making excellent points except for the one about molestation.
Friend 2: "I think it depends on the people. I'm 35 and went out with a 38 year old. I thought that it would be awesome because we're around the same age 'n all. But, she acted immature as hell and never wanted to commit to anything."
Friend 3: "For fuck buddies it works, but not a relationship. Unless it's like love at first sight and your insecurities can't even keep you apart."


Insecurities.
This is a big one. It ruins many relationships and keeps us from loving individuals every freakin' day. They make us think too much with our head instead of our heart.

I admire Lauryn Hill and her song, "To Zion --"

Unsure of what the balance held/I touched my belly overwhelmed/By what I had been chosen to perform/But then an angel came one day/Told me to kneel down and pray/For unto me a man child would be born/Woe this crazy circumstance/I knew his life deserved a chance/But everybody told me to be smart/Look at your career they said/,"Lauryn, baby use your head"/But instead I chose to use my heart/Now the joy of my world is in Zion.

She listened to her heart. What if we all were like that? What if we had a "screw it" attitude...maybe things like age and sex wouldn't matter...maybe we'd all be happier.

I remember watching After Sunset with Ethan Hawke and thinking how I don't want to be like him and the woman he's in love with. When they were younger they met in Paris and had sex twice. And, over the past 9 years, they've been too stubborn to find the other person. . . to just be happy and in love. And when they finally met after so many years have passed, when they both have lovers, it's just like yesterday. It's like a moment hasn't passed in the time they were apart. And, in the end, they end up getting back together.

Fear.

We let it grab us by the throat and choke us everyday. Why not give in and see what happens, even if it means a massive amount of heartache?

2 comments:

Tara said...

Hi. I have found your blog through your AfterEllen profile (I am an AE member as well). Anyways, I just want to give my opinion: I am age 24 and I cannot see myself dating anyone years older than me esp. like age 30 plus. I cannot look past the age difference, I think an individual several years (or more) older than me will try to tell me what to do. But I have noticed and heard in the lgbt community, many couples have an age difference. ::shrugs shoulders:: Oh well. Besides that, thanks for the blog.

mc_cool said...

i disagree. i think there are older women who need to be told what to do.
it's not chronological, it's mental.